


Nothing else will do

by Follow (Scheska)



Category: Infinite (Band), Infinite - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2018-03-06 10:19:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3130922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scheska/pseuds/Follow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sunggyu’s been filling the gaps the wrong way for a while now, but it’s not too late to smooth his sharp edges before they start to hurt. A man skilled with the knives seems to be the right person to do so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part i

**Author's Note:**

> » Originally written for/posted at ISS2014
> 
> » The woogyu pairing is mostly platonic
> 
> » Age swap, underage drinking/smoking
> 
> » English is not my first language

It’s Monday again, and he sighs dejectedly to the ceiling, eyelids heavy and limbs tangled with the bed sheets. He strains his hearing as he lies on the bed. There’s barely any sound, the noise of distant cars comes through the window, an echoing bark from a lonely dog, a couple of birds, and then his feet. It’s a soft rustle; he comes once, twice, the chair moves, something on the couch, a mug on the counter, more steps. He halts just outside his door, he hears it, he waits, but all he gets is a short _Bye, don’t be late_ , more shuffling of feet and the open-close of the door. Then it’s silent.  
  
Monday again, he sighs to the ceiling. Thirty minutes later he finally gets up, because he can’t be late.  
  
He finds the empty mug on the sink, the last remains of dark coffee diluted with the drops of water that fall from the faucet. He twists it close, can’t stand the little noise.  
  
Brushing his teeth, washing his face, brushing his hair, putting on his uniform, picking up his bag, keys, wallet, phone. The open-close of the door, and then the noise of the city.  
  
The bus ride is annoying, the passengers are annoying, the guy beside him is especially annoying, the crappy music seeping out his earplugs. He feels the scowl on his face, the way his lips furrow to the side, his left eye twitches.  
  
It’s the goddamned morning rush, the bus is moving at a man’s walking pace. He’d probably walk faster, actually. He would do it, if only he wasn’t two miles away from the school yet. His shoulder is starting to ache, his bag is weighting down on his right arm, the left is clutching onto a handle, his neck hurts a bit, and he’s still sleepy. The bus halts abruptly, all the passengers slid forward, he gets his foot stepped on, his bag slides down his arm, his phone almost falls to the floor. The vehicle starts again, and everyone shuffle back to their places with annoyed grunts.  
  
He sighs one more time.  
  
Endless minutes later, he finally squeezes his way out of the bus, and the wave of resigned students welcome him to his school’s block. Dark blue swarms the sidewalk, feet dragging on the ground and whinny voices. A sea of tidy, haughty, fancy looking students. He doesn’t like them, as a general rule. He doesn’t _need_ them. Not them, not the fancy uniform, not the fancy building, not the fancy school name on his stupid diploma. He doesn’t need _any_ of it, but it looks like his father has a different opinion on the matter.  
  
He sighs annoyed, how many times so far? Doesn’t want to think about it. No point.  
  
A group of girls rush past him, one of them hitting his shoulder on her way. It’s so irritating, the feeling of being pushed off your center by someone who barely glances back with a face that he can’t be sure was apologetic or annoyed. Better be the former, or he’ll be seriously pissed… Not that it’d make a difference, really, he didn’t even know that idiot.  
  
He slowly makes his way to the building, walking behind a block of painfully slow people that won’t let him pass through. He doesn’t say a word tough; he’s not in the mood for talking yet. When he’s finally free to walk at his own pace, he hurries to his classroom, goes to his place, at the back and beside the window, and flops ungracefully on the seat. His bag is on the desk, and he rummages for his book and notes, taking it all out to read for a last minute study session. He couldn’t force himself to study properly at home, didn’t really pay any mind until now, but he doesn’t want to fail the exam either… Or at least, doesn’t want to do too bad. It’s a feeling still rooted deeply inside, the need to do well, to make the effort worth it, to seek for that look of approval, of praise, of recognition. But he’s slowly losing it, it’s getting buried under the frustration, the resignation, the resentment, and... Well, some other stupid feelings he doesn’t want to dwell on.  
  
He hears his classmates fill in lethargically, and the silence is broken by rustle, some comments, greetings and finally, chattering. _Does anyone care for the freaking exam? No? Well screw you, I do-_  
  
“Hey” he hears next to him. He grunts in reply, not even acknowledging the boy sitting on his side, he’s still trying to study “Reading?” he hums “What?... Is it for some class?... For today?” silence, and then he feels the other lean in close to peak at his book. He makes an annoyed sound and shifts to distance himself from the guy “Wa-Wait, is it for now? Do we need to read something? Is it homework-?”  
  
“Can you shut up?”  
  
There’ a stricken look in the other’s face, then his features twist in offense and he turns back to the front, but says nothing in reply so he goes back to his studying. It crosses his mind, for a fraction of a second, to feel a tiny bit bad about his attitude, but then he shrugs it off. It was annoying, and the other knows damn well that he hates annoying people. Or he should know, in any case.  
  
A sudden noise startles him slightly, and he sees the guy standing up and waving to someone “Hey, Kim, come sit here, I can’t stand this dude”  
  
The scoff comes out before he can help it, but he doesn’t really care when the other sends him a glare, he only glares back, an eyebrow raised, and huffs before going back to his reading. A bit of shuffling later, someone else sits beside him again.  
  
“Bad mood?” he hears, a different voice. He hums in answer, and all he gets is a mild “Ok”  
  
There, someone finally got the hint. Of course it had to be Myungsoo.

 

\---

  
“So… You coming?” is the first thing someone has said to him in the whole morning, and he’s not sure he likes it or not, for whichever reason.  
  
He shrugs, then sighs “I guess… I’m hungry”  
  
“Let’s go then” there’s a cute smile in Myungsoo’s face, but he doesn’t feel like smiling back. He pursues his lips and hums, then follows.  
  
They sit alone, outside, on a bench. Myungsoo has a little lunchbox and a transparent thermic bottle filled with bright orange juice. He himself has a plastic wrapped sandwich and an unopened bottle of mineral water, both still have the price tag. He can’t help to stare at his hands, then Myungsoo’s, his own again.  
  
“Anything wrong, Gyu?”  
  
He hums and shrugs the question away, then starts eating.  
  
There is, actually, and it’s the fact that he can’t remember a single time he had brought food from his home. Nothing he should care about really, but store bought food tires you really quickly, and he can’t be bothered to cook himself, doesn’t know how to, doesn’t care to learn how. What for? He can survive with this, it’s just him after all.  
  
“Looks good” he concedes, mouth full.  
  
“Oh, this? Yeah, want to try?”  
  
 _Yeah_ “Nah, I’m good” he shrugs “Your mom?”  
  
“Oh, no. My cousin”  
  
He scrunches his brow in questioning “Weird”  
  
“Kind of, but it’s good”  
  
He leaves it at that, not really interested, focusing instead on pitying themselves for the incoming class.

 

\---

  
He’s gotten himself in some trouble again. This time it’s with the Chemistry professor. He’s about to get detention, he can feel it, he can see it in the lanky man’s furrowed brow. He really doesn’t care much, what difference would it make anyway?  
  
“You’ll stay after class, Mr. Kim, we’ll have a talk, understood?”  
  
His face doesn’t shift, his mouth stays shut, he simply makes a noncommittal sound in his throat, runs the tip of his tongue against the edge of his teeth behind his lips, and looks outside the window. His fingers move impatiently in his pockets, he bites his tongue, his jaw locks and unlocks, and by the end of the class he’s still trying to tame back his retorts. Yes, he’s angry, but his talk back is reaching the limit for the day, he has to start watching it.  
  
The classroom empties almost completely, only he and the professor are left.  
  
“So…” the man starts, lifting his eyes form the papers on the desk “Anything you’d like to say Mr. Kim?”  
  
“Nothing you’d like to hear” he responds, his voice flat and hard.  
  
“Alright, sit down” the man says, waving to the nearest desk.  
  
“No need-“  
  
“I said sit down Mr. Kim”  
  
He does, but crosses his arms and looks to the side pointedly, just to make it clear that he was not happy. He feels the man’s gaze on him, hears his silence, but doesn’t acknowledge any of it for a while, keeping his cool for as long as he can. It’s a challenge for him, this guy thinks he’s going to lower his head and apologize or something? He could wait as much as he wanted, he’s not going to yield-  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
He can’t hold back the little surprised jerk his head does, or the quick blinking of his eyes. One eyebrow goes up and he throws a side glance to the professor, finding the man looking at him with a calm, slightly concerned expression.  
  
“Why?” he asks, his voice guarded and apathetic.  
  
The man across from him shifts in his seat, a relaxed and slow movement that changes his position from the scolding professor to something that makes him look like his psychologist. Not that he has one, he doesn’t _need_ one; he doesn’t need a goddamned shrink, never mind what the counselor says. He doesn’t need this man’s flat concern either, it irks him. He doesn’t need help, nor pity. All useless, if they want to be of any help, then they need to step out of his case, stay out of his business. Seriously, why do they even think he cares about what they think? He doesn’t give a flying fuck-  
  
“Listen,” a little huff of air “Sunggyu” the man says, looking at him in the eye. Sunggyu holds the stare, just not to give in “I know you may think we teachers are all a bunch of heartless, dull people who don’t care about their students beyond grades, you all boys do at this age” the tone gets a bit sharper as the boy’s expressions morphs along the words, taking a turn to a scornful face, because seriously what the heck? _Boys your age_? Stupid old man “, but, I’m afraid I have to burst your bubble, we actually notice things”  
  
“Mh” he pulls his eyes away, to a side, the other, he sinks a bit more on his seat “Alright, so?” he finally pushes.  
  
“I’m trying to have a serious talk here with you, Sunggyu, I’d appreciate it if you’d drop the attitude for a little while” the voice is serious, stern, but still calm.  
  
Sunggyu takes a moment to hold his ground, and then rolls his eyes and sighs. He guesses it was enough pushing for the day with the man; detention is one thing, the school trying to reach his father was a very different one, and something he does not want to go through, not a chance “Then please just tell me how long so I can go”  
  
“How long?”  
  
“Detention?”  
  
“Oh, that” the man waves a hand dismissively “Never mind that. I asked a question, though, and I’d like an answer”  
  
“What do you want to hear, then?”  
  
“The truth”  
  
“Of course” he holds back the scoff “Well then I don’t know what to tell you”  
  
“Sunggyu, don’t think I don’t remember the year I had you back then”  
  
He suddenly feels uncomfortable, caught, and admittedly stupid “What about it?” he asks, his voice tenser than before.  
  
The other man doesn’t seem to notice, or just doesn’t pay any heed “You were such a good student, Sunggyu” he starts, and Sunggyu shifts angrily in his place “I now you may not like to hear this but it’s the truth, and the reason why I’m now asking you, what is wrong?”  
  
“Nothing”  
  
“Your disposition dropped first, you distanced yourself from your friends, started frequenting others, your attitude worsened even more, and now you’re starting to let your grades drop. I think I have reasons to ask-”  
  
“No you don’t” he interrupted annoyed “You know what? I can get my grades back up if I want, I _might_ , if I have to, but that’s as far as you get in my life”  
  
“Sunggyu, lower your tone”  
  
“Then don’t try to pry into my business” he retorted sharply, albeit in a softer voice.  
  
The man looks pointedly at him, and he finds himself pulling his eyes away with a grimace. As much as he wants to stand his ground, he feels he’s too close to the line, he has to watch it.  
  
“I’d rather talk this with you and try to help you through-“  
  
“Well too bad” his teeth press together and he has to make an effort to pull his jaw open to speak “I don’t need your help”

 

\---

  
They contact his father after all, because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He has to give credit to his professor, though, because he didn’t seem as angry as he looked disappointed. But Sunggyu’s not sure which was worse.  
  
In the end, he chooses to go to Myungsoo’s instead of his own home. The excuse is that he actually wants to improve his grades, and the professor loaded him with extra work instead of his customary detention. That was a good outcome, at least. Myungsoo’s always been good with his studies, and he’s the only guy that tolerates Sunggyu to the point of still call himself his friend, so it’s without a doubt his best shot.  
  
“Oh, but I’m not going home today”  
  
“What? Why?”  
  
“It’s Monday”  
  
“… And?”  
  
“Don’t you remember what I told you last week?”  
  
“Not… really” he admits.  
  
“I have to go to my cousin’s”  
  
“Oh… And that’s… Because…”  
  
A sharp sigh denotes his friend’s irritation, but he half smiles at him and shrugs as a halfhearted apologize. It seems to be enough, Myungsoo shots him a lame little glare and relents “My parents agreed to let me go to his apartment until they’re back from work”  
  
Sunggyu blinks with his brow scrunched “Why?”  
  
“Because,” his friend starts with a frustrated tone “my cousin pestered them until they agreed. Seriously, did you not listen to a single word I told you?”  
  
“Mh…” he looks away, keeping quiet for a few steps to avoid the answer “So, we’re going to your cousin’s?” there’s silence, and he looks to the side in question to see his friend pursuing his mouth at him “What?”  
  
“I don’t know if it’d be ok”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Well… He doesn’t know… I mean”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I should tell him beforehand at least”  
  
“Call him”  
  
“I don’t know…”  
  
“Hey!”  
  
“W-what?”  
  
“Look, I can behave, alright?”  
  
“I didn’t say you couldn’t”  
  
He clicks his tongue and huffs in anger, halting his walk and making his friend do the same “Look, if you don’t want him to meet me or something just say it”  
  
“I didn’t say that” Myungsoo stresses, his own annoyance showing. Sunggyu doesn’t answer, only gives a shrug and looks to the side “You really need to stop taking everything so badly, alright?”  
  
“I don’t take it badly, you make it sound as if you’re ashamed to be my friend or something”  
  
“What? When did I-?” the other groans loudly “You know what forget about it. Think whatever you want to think. If you want to come, then come along, I don’t care”  
  
“Right. If I’m going to be a burden then forget about it”  
  
“What burden? Damn it Sunggyu-“  
  
“I can behave just fine!” he repeats.  
  
“And I never said you couldn’t!”  
  
“You would think that after years of-!“  
  
“Alright, _enough_!” Myungsoo snaps, ruffling his hair angrily. Sunggyu lets out a sharp breath through his nose and tries unsuccessfully to relax his scowl “Ok” his friend sighs “Ok, look” another loud breath and he opens his eyes “Listen here,” he finally looks at Sunggyu, his face much more controlled as well as his voice “What is it?”  
  
“What is what?”  
  
“What is your problem today? What happened?”  
  
“Why-?”  
  
“You’re especially… especially _touchy_ today, what is it?”  
  
“Nothing”  
  
“Don’t _nothing_ me, Sunggyu, what is it?”  
  
“It’s really nothing, forget about it” he shrugs and resumes his walk.  
  
Myungsoo catches up to him in no time “How am I supposed to forget about it if you’re going to go off at anything I say?”  
  
“I just had a _talk_ with a professor, that’s all. Now please forget about it?”  
  
He meets a bit of reluctance before Myungsoo gives in “Fine, but calm down then”  
  
“Yeah, yeah”  
  
There’s silence as they keep walking, and Sunggyu considers going home, still a bit irked at the whole little banter. He really is in a tricky mood, and that usually ends up badly for them. Then again, going straight home is not tempting him either. Maybe he could just-  
  
A message breaks his train of thoughts, so he takes his phone from his pocket and checks.  
  
 _Foolin around at the maun stret. U commin?_  
  
He pursues his mouth at that, because it could be the solution for his evening… But he’s not really in the mood for “fooling around” with those guys. As much as it’s true that he started frequenting some less than ideal company, the deep, plain truth is he only does so to kill time and feel he actually fits with someone. It’s a chore-  
  
“What? Are you going to meet those jerks?”  
  
Myungsoo’s question is laced with annoyance and a bit of bitterness, so he answers with a little of his own “What if I do?”  
  
“Dunno, you were just wanting to follow me around-,”  
  
“I’m not following you around”  
  
“-now you go after that little scruffy lot-“  
  
“ _Scruffy lot_?”  
  
“-You just want to avoid going home, don’t you?”  
  
 _Oh, you little bastard_ “As a matter of fact, I do. Any problem?”  
  
A click of tongue “Do what you want, but don’t come complaining to me tomorrow. I know damn well that you can’t stand half those idiots, and another few can’t stand _you_ ”  
  
He shrugs the comment off and turns to leave “Whatever Myungsoo, see you tomorrow, have fun with your cousin-“ he bumps into someone before he can finish.  
  
“Ow!” someone says, and Sunggyu finds himself with a handful of grocery bags falling over him, his arms flailing instinctively to try to catch them before they fall to the ground.  
  
“Ah, what the fuck?” he complains, shifting the bag that he ended up catching and taking a look to the person he collided with.  
  
The man is accommodating another grocery bag in his arms, a handful of keys in one hand, a phone in the other and a duffel bag hanging from his elbow “Oh dear, I-“ he straightens up and looks at Sunggyu “I’m sorry, are you ok?”  
  
Sunggyu huffs annoyed and turns to Myungsoo, handing the bag so he can leave at once. Myungsoo, though, walks past him and takes the man’s remaining bag “Let me help you, hyung” he says.  
  
“Oh, hey Myung! I didn’t see you there” the man says, a stupid smile spreading on his face.  
  
“I told you I was coming”  
  
“I know, I was trying to text you, but…” he laughs lightly as he shrugs.  
  
“Alright, let’s get in then?”  
  
“Let’s go!” the older of them cheers, stops and looks at Sunggyu again “Oh my, I’m sorry! Let me take that bag, thanks” he smiles yet again as he frees his hands and proceeds to the building’s entrance just behind them, fumbling with the keys until he manages to open the door. He then holds it for Myungsoo, who turns and gives Sunggyu a questioning glance, but not a word. When he doesn’t answer, his friend sighs and shakes his head before walking into the apartment building. Watching curiously, the man finally asks “Oh… Oh wait, do you know each other?”  
  
“Hm? Oh, yeah that’s a friend of mine, from school”  
  
“Oh, then why don’t you invite him in?” again a stupid smile on the man’s face.  
  
“No, I think he’s got more _important business_ to attend” Myungsoo throws.  
  
Sunggyu scoffs derisively and glares mildly “Keep your witty comments Myungsoo, I don’t need you to make a scene”  
  
“You’re the one who can’t make up his mind”  
  
“Oh I can, I’m leaving, didn’t you get that?”  
  
“Then why are you still here?”  
  
“Because you keep bothering me”  
  
“I’m not-“  
  
“Alright, guys” the man buts in, his voice serious for the first time “What’s wrong? Myungsoo if he has something else to do just let him be, what’s the matter?”  
  
 _Well, thanks._ He thinks, turning on his heels to walk away, but Myungsoo’s voice stops him in his tracks “He’s got _nothing_ to do, that’s the matter”  
  
“Myungs-“  
  
“He asked me to let him come home with me-“  
  
“Oh, shut it!”  
  
“-but he thought he’d be intruding because I was coming to see you”  
  
“Shut up, Myungsoo!” Sunggyu complains, his demeanor all but crumbling into a whinny fit “Don’t say that!”  
  
“What? It’s the truth”  
  
“It’s not!”  
  
“Oh, but it’s alright” the man intercedes “You can absolutely come in!”  
  
 _I don’t care, I’m off_ “I don-…” he stops, his tongue suddenly stuck to the roof of his mouth, so he clicks it, loudly “No, I’m goin-“  
  
“Come on, Sunggyu” Myungsoo insists, his earnest tone finally betraying his intent “Just come with me, you don’t need to go with those jerks”  
  
“I don’t think…”  
  
“What? Woohyun told you it’s alright”  
  
“Of course! Please come in, I was about to make something for Myungsoo to eat, you should totally join” said man smiles his stupid smile once more.  
  
And it kind of convinces Sunggyu to tag along.

 

\---

  
Small apartment, simple furnishing, but comfy. There’s a constant clattering of sounds from the kitchen, where Myungsoo’s cousin, Woohyun, went right after they got in. He seems to be cooking… something. Myungsoo is sitting beside him on a couch, flipping through the channels and still going on his rant on _Sunggyu’s bad choice of company_. And it’s not like he doesn’t agree, but well, things just happen and he doesn’t want to cut himself clean from the guys at once… As much as his friend denies it, they _are_ fun to be, from time to time. That and it could bring his some trouble to ignore them out of the blue, but he supposes he can deal with that-  
  
“Wanna play some COD?” Myungsoo asks suddenly, and Sunggyu is nodding enthusiastically before he even finishes the sentence.  
  
“Your cousin has that?”  
  
“That, RE 5 and 6, I think he has some Dark Souls” his friend comments as he rummages into the little doors under the TV, pulling out the game console and handling it to Sunggyu while he keeps searching for the game “Oh, he has Bioshock, you like that one, don’t you?”  
  
“Yeah, didn’t play much though, got it…” _borrowed,_ he finishes in his head, his feet bouncing lightly.  
  
“He has all of those- Oh! Here… Ah, no, it’s not this one…“ he drops the box in his hands and keeps going, pulling one after the other “Uh, here’s RE… Assassin… Oh? Hey, hyung! When did you buy Dishonored?” he calls loudly, holding one box close to his face.  
  
“ _Huh? I got that one a month ago_ ” Woohyun answers from the kitchen, his voice cushioned by a steady metallic sound, a wire whisk on a metal bowl, Sunggyu thinks “ _Decent enough_ ”  
  
“Mh” Myungsoo seems to ponder a while before turning to Sunggyu, who’s still controlling his surprise at the collection the man seems to have… And the slight envy, if he has to be honest “We could try this one sometime”  
  
“Sure” he shrugs, already making himself comfortable on the floor and reaching to plug in the console.  
  
“And here it is!”  
  
They set to play immediately, barking back and forth to each other, eyes fixed on the screen and fingers fumbling swiftly on the controls. Time flies around them with such lightness Sunggyu barely registers the movement near him, he does catch, though, the sweet scent that starts floating all over the apartment, his stomach gets impatient in response, but he keeps his attention on the game.  
  
He’s so into the game he doesn’t realize that it is past six, and then a hand falls on his shoulder “Come on guys, drop that a second”  
  
It’s bad timing, and Sunggyu is annoyed by the interruption that makes him miss a crucial hit. The snarky comeback is at the tip of his tongue, ready to shot when he turns and sees Myungsoo’s cousin smiling at him and his tongue craws back. He guesses is not right to snap at the guy, he’s in his home after all, using his games and… About to eat his food apparently, if the table is any indication.  
  
“Hold on a sec, hyung” Myungsoo says distractedly.  
  
“You’ve been playing long enough, come on”  
  
“Yeah, in a bit”  
  
“Myung” Woohyun calls weakly “There’re lemon cookies too” a grunt was his response “I made this for you, little brat, drop the game”  
  
“Yeah I know, I’ll go in a second” he dismisses again, a bit annoyed apparently “Come on Sunggyu, you’re getting beat up”  
  
“Huh? Oh… It’s ok” he looks up at the older man, who twists his mouths and glances to the table, and then something gets a bit uncomfortable inside: secondhand guilt “Uh, come on, Myung, I’m starving” he finally says, standing up and eyeing the table better. His mouth waters a little bit; there’s brownies, obviously, but also light colored cookies, little soft looking pastries and half a dozen muffins, along with two mugs of what looks like hot chocolate “Oh…” he mumbles before blinking away from the tempting sight and towards his still absorbed by the game friend “Drop that Myungsoo, your cousin made a freaking lot of stuff for you” he pushes the boy’s back with his shoe.  
  
“He always does-“  
  
“The more reason for you to drop that, come on!” he barks without patience.  
  
“There, your friend knows how to appreciate my effort” Woohyun sends a pitiful glare in Myungsoo’s direction, then turns to his guest with a little smile “You like sweets Sunggyu?”  
  
“Uh?...” _me? Sweets? Pff, nah_ “I.. Yeah”

 

***

  
“He’s the only son of my mom’s sister” Myungsoo says the following day. Sunggyu hums a bored sound, even when he was the one who asked about this “He went to culinary school and graduated just recently” a bit of silence, and Sunggyu hums again, just to keep his friend talking “Few years older than me… He’s twenty-two or twenty-three, I think. It was an even number so twenty-two I guess”  
  
“Seems like a decent guy”  
  
“He’s… He’s ok, a bit dense sometimes”  
  
“He seems to care-…” he stops, scorns himself for being so stupid and leaves the phrase hanging open.  
  
“Care? About what?”  
  
“Nothing, you coming or not?” he pushes, his stomach asking for food and his mood for a way out of the conversation.  
  
“Sure” Myungsoo concedes, a quiet look of curiosity barely held before they start walking.

 

\---

  
Back home, Sunggyu all but drops his ass on the couch, school bag falling on the floor, legs sprawled. He waits then, listening to the silence of the apartment, the soft ticking of the clock on the wall, the cars outside, a barking dog, people talking loudly. The little red light of the TV, the DVD player.  
  
Half an hour later he finally picks himself up, and drags his feet to the little kitchen. The fridge is half empty, takeout leftovers, bottled juice, packages of premade meals. The freezer is not different. _The cupboard then_ , he mumbles in his head, pulling at the doors above the counter. Packs of snacks, instant noodles, soups… And a little plastic container, behind a box of tea. He had forgotten… No he hadn’t, he was in fact looking for it, just didn’t want to admit it to himself. He reaches out and pulls the bag out.  
  
 _\--“It’s ok! Just take some home” the guy smiled, big, stupid and… Just too soft “You liked these, right?”_  
  
 _“Y-yeah…”_  
  
 _“Then just take them” a little Tupper ware was pushed into his hands, a few brownies and lemon cookies inside “Myung is sick of my cooking it seems…”_  
  
 _“Oh, don’t start hyung. We’re leaving” Myungsoo said, pulling at Sunggyu’s sleeve._  
  
 _Woohyun clicked his tongue “I’m spoiling you”_  
  
 _“You are, and I never asked you to do so” the other threw back, but a light tone of amusement colored his words in a way that made his cousin smile… Again._  
  
 _Sunggyu felt odd, so he threw a loose “thanks, bye” and left.--_  
  
He eyes the container, the sweets inside. Charity? He scoffs in annoyance. Pity? He’s actually getting mad, and thinks of throwing the shit out. He doesn’t like sweets anyway… Or yeah, he likes them, but who gives a fuck? It’s more leftovers, in the end.  
  
But it’s not the same.  
  
It’s another half an hour when he sits down on the same couch, a mug of coffee and a little plate with slightly crumpled sweets.

 

\---

  
He showers quickly, the hot water runs out too fast. He’s a bit cold afterward, the tiny window on the side is stuck with a narrow bit open, and the cold air of the night gets in. He towels himself hastily and puts on his worn sweatpants and t-shirt, then walks back into the kitchen, and looks around.  
  
The same as always, should he throw some frozen shit or some instant shit on the microwave? Maybe some leftovers?  
  
He scratches at his belly, rubs his bare toes together. Honestly, he’s not even hungry, and he has homework to do, but fuck it, he doesn’t feel like doing that either… And then that stupid guilt comes back.  
  
He disregarded the feeling for a while until now, but for what? More free time alone at home and lectures from the teachers? Not worth it. At least he gets to do something… And maybe, when he brings his school report home, then maybe, _he_ ’ll look at it… And be glad. He would be glad, right? After all, what’s the point on all _this_? Of him being alone in the little, sad apartment the whole fucking day? What’s the freaking point if not for him to have his good grades on a good school, right?  
  
So yeah, he’ll do his damned homework.

 

\---

  
He falls asleep over the bed sheets, the bed still made, his cellphone loose in his hand, the lights on. But somehow, he wakes up under the blankets, tightly tucked in, his phone on the little bedside table, the lights off.  
  
He knows how, he knows who. Who else? And it makes him feel a bit lonely. How is it even possible to miss someone who lives with you?  
  
But that thought alone makes him angry with himself, because he’s being stupid and overdramatic again. What’s with the missing crap? He’s not missing anyone, he’s big enough to deal with these things, _stop moping!_ Things are like this for a reason and that’s all there is to it, he can’t do nothing about it… Yet.  
  
He’s in a bad mood already, the voice quickly bidding him goodbye from the other side of the door makes it even worse… Or a bit better, he’s not sure.

 

***

  
Mid-week. Time moves so slowly. It’s like a long, plain, dusty road that stretches far away from sight to both sides, horizon to your back, horizon to your front. So you just walk. The thing is, the weekend is no better, it’s actually worse-  
  
“Kim, pay attention!”  
  
He snaps his head to the front of the classroom on instinct, and then forces his face and posture to slacken to show he doesn’t care. He does, a bit, but he’s got a point to make, and that’s more important.  
  
He receives a supporting scoff from near him, one of the “scruffy bunch”, probably. Myungsoo, on the other hand, just pursues his mouth and stares ahead. He shrugs minimally at it, even if it makes him a bit edgy, he can’t please everyone.  
  
He tries to keep his daydreaming at bay anyway, but he really can’t care less about the lesson. To think that he’d been one of those idiots at the very front at some point, it’s ridiculous.  
  
Years back he’d been sitting first line on the front, eyes stuck to the teacher, dropping everything on his notebook, tidy handwriting, colors and perfect display of information in every page, his hand rising every now and then, questions answers and silly little comments he could throw. Why? You would ask, because it seemed the right way to go. It seemed like a good try, but it was not worth it. Too much effort, too much animosity around him, for what? He didn’t notice all those things, the show was unnecessary.  
  
Just a year back, he’d still be writing everything down like a good boy, but opted for silent attention and diligent application, the middle of the room seemed good enough, he mingled with the group, didn’t catch eyes, stayed away from the distractions in the back. All he cared about was getting good grades and please the people that mattered. It was for his future after all, right? He supposed so back then.  
  
Months rolled past and suddenly he had gotten bored of the silent play. He still made the effort to get good grades, he still carried his academic life responsibly, but the stationary behavior had been enough. He started avoiding home after school, following Myungsoo around usually, going to the library on his own, just wasting time on the main street, bumping into some classmates… _Those_ classmates, the very same ones that Myungsoo disliked so much, the very same that just asked him to ditch school after the following break… And maybe he would, he’s not going to pay attention anyway...  
  
Well, that wasn’t good was it? But, surprisingly, _that_ got a reaction, if maybe not a good one. It brought poorly masked surprise, a handful of questions, and then dubious silence. It seemed that a calculated mediocre grade brought more of his attention than his regular good ones. He was trying his hand at it, but, then again, it also brought that stupid guilt he hated so much. He wonders how much it will take for it to just disappear, and how bad the result would be with even lower grades-  
  
“Kim!”

 

\---

  
“Really?”  
  
“What?”  
  
Myungsoo stares at his bag pointedly, then up to his eyes “Really?”  
  
He clicks his tongue in a show of annoyance “No point in staying”  
  
“Oh, no, right. Important stuff to do out there” his friend mocks “Like, planting your ass on a bench and look at the people passing as that jolly bunch of dickheads nurse their badass-pride by _inconspicuously_ getting drunk”  
  
“Yeah… Sounds productive enough”  
  
“Oh yeah” it doesn’t sound like a question, but Sunggyu supposes it was intended to be one. Or something akin to one.  
  
“What’s the matter? I’m not the one getting drunk”  
  
“Yeah, for now”  
  
“What?” he scoffs “You know I don’t do alcohol”  
  
“Yeah, for now” his friend repeats, disapproval painted on his face.  
  
“You know what? I don’t have time for your scenes, man”  
  
“Oh, sure you don’t” the Myungsoo throws his hands in a mocking gesture “, important stuff has tight schedules. Can’t be late to stare at the birds, might miss the pigeon of 2 o’clock” Sunggyu is actually tempted to laugh, but tries to keep his cool and just turns to walk away “I know he’s your favorite!” his friend calls at his back “Send him my regards!”

 

\---

  
True enough, there is a brown and white pigeon staring funnily at him as he kills time in the park. Its little head snapping one side and the other while its yellow eyes take turns to look at him. It’s kind of cute… Or not, it’s plain stupid, actually. Yeah it is, so he kicks his foot in the air and shoos the bird off.  
  
“You should!” one of the guys says, way louder than needed, honestly.  
  
He keeps staring around, until a slap on the back of his head ruffles his hair “Talking to you, dude” another says.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“I said you should dye your hair some flashy color” says one that has, in fact, white blond hair.  
  
He blinks at the other guy “Why would I do that?”  
  
“Because you’re fucking boring, that’s why” another says, pulling at a lock of his dark hair.  
  
He swats the hand away in annoyance, the guys laugh obnoxiously “Come on! Don’t wanna ruin your good boy image or what?” mr. blonde pushes.  
  
“I don’t have such thing” he mumbles.  
  
“You do!”  
  
“Or you did, anyways” another shrugs, black and purple on his head this time “Whatever, you should dye it”  
  
“Yeah, like bright red or some shit like that” the third offers, caramel hair messed up by the wind.  
  
“Yeah, you’ll have that asshole Chemistry dude shitting his pants when he sees you”  
  
“Right, what’s with that guy, he your sugar daddy or somethin’?”  
  
“Oh man! Shut up!”  
  
The three boys break into a fit of laughter, while Sunggyu sighs in exasperation “He’s not!”  
  
“You sure ‘bout that?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m pretty fuckin’ sure! Drop it!”  
  
“Woah, don’t get your pants in a fit, dude, just a question”  
  
“A stupid question”  
  
“A question, anyway” another insists, and after a while Sunggyu understand that they’re actually waiting for a response.  
  
“What?”  
  
“What’s with him?”  
  
“Oh… Nothing, I just used to be a good student, ‘s all”  
  
“Oh, good boy gone bad, or somethin’ like that?”  
  
He makes a noncommittal sound and shrugs, just before a barely cold bottle is pressed against his hand. The amber liquid sloshes a bit inside, the _apple juice_ they’ve been sipping at since they sneaked out of the school.  
  
He looks to the boy to his side with a questioning face, and the other nods to him sharply “Have some”  
  
“Nah, thanks” he refuses, but the other guy doesn’t take the bottle back.  
  
“No, you’re here with us, we share the fun. Have some”  
  
 _Fun? What the heck do you find fun in this shit?_ “I don’t dig this kind of fun”  
  
“That’s because you don’t _know_ this kind of fun, man” a second one leans over the back of the bench “Give it a go, it’s not like you’ll get drunk off your ass just by this little bit”  
  
He’s about to refuse once more, but then, what’s the point? He’ll be sitting there doing nothing, listening to their silly bantering until he gets sick of it and leaves. This way at least he’s part of their round. Can’t be that bad.  
  
So he chugs down a big swallow, and then grimaces at the taste “Oh hell, it’s disgusting” he nearly throws the bottle back at the now laughing guy.  
  
“It is, right?” the other agrees.  
  
They don’t make sense, but Sunggyu snorts and shrugs it off. Days like this one, they’re kinda fun to be with.

 

\---

  
He gets sick of them after all, of sitting and doing nothing but talk bullshit, drink shitty beer and stare at pigeons. But it’s pleasantly late already, school’s been over since a while ago, bit more than an hour maybe, and he’s now leisurely strolling down the main street, hands in his pockets and an annoying yet curious fuzzy feeling in his head. Can’t be drunk, but maybe a bit dizzy. He trips over nothing, stumbles a bit, but it’s ok, it’s just fine.  
  
It’s not so bad, after all, drinking a little with some friends, killing time. They didn’t do anything bad, did they? Maybe talked loudly, bothered some pricks, shooed some pigeons, talked some bullshit. And he had a decently good time. Like, now he knows Jiyeon from History has the hots for him, who would have thought! And he probably should dye his hair after all, for the heck of it. He laughs as he imagines the faces of reaction, Myungsoo’s, the teacher’s… His father’s. Now _that_ ’d be worth it, it’d be worth whatever the school could throw at him in retaliation. Scolding? Detention? Suspension? Who gives a fuck? It’ll be fine, he’ll be fine. He _is_ fine.  
  
Or maybe not entirely fine, because he trips on thin air for the fifth time and stumbles a bit to the side. It’s ok, just making a fool of himself in front of strangers, only this time he manages to crash into something. Something that yelps.  
  
“Ow” he mumbles, and blinks up with a frown and a sour face ready to fend off any complain. He’s just not in the mood for troublesome people, he’s in a good mood for once, alright?  
  
But then his eyes go a bit wide, because he kinda knows this person. As if to prove him right, the other also blinks a few times at him, and then there’s that stupid smile “Oh, hi! You’re Myungsoo’s friend, right?”  
  
“Uh, yeah” he says, slowly.  
  
“Oh…” the man frowns a bit, curiosity or something in his eyes as he stares, and then looks around. Sunggyu’s is not sure why, but he looks around too, just in case “So…” the older man calls his attention back “Sunggyu, was it?”  
  
“Yeah… And you’re Boohyun, right?”  
  
“Woohyun” the smile comes back “So, what are you doing ‘round here? School’s over” Sunggyu hums, pursues his mouth and considers telling this man to mind his own business and leaving, but then Woohyun talks again “Anyway, I’m doing some grocery shopping, friends are coming tomorrow and I have to start with the food as soon as possible. They’re just three but eat like an army” he laughs with a silly sound.  
  
Sunggyu wonders why is he being told this, he didn’t ask, did he? Woohyun keeps talking, but he just doesn’t pay much attention, he’s actually searching for a polite way to shut him up and leave. Well, look at that, trying to be polite “Hum, I have…” he starts.  
  
“Why don’t you come over?” Woohyun beats him.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Come over, Myung is coming after his photography club” he looks at his wrist watch “It’ll be over in a little while”  
  
“I… Uh, I don’t think-“  
  
“Come on! You can help me out”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Did you like the lemon cookies from last time?” Sunggyu manages a single nod before Woohyun goes on “Perfect then, I’m totally baking some for now. Oh, I’ll teach you! Or you can just use the PS while I work, it’s also fine. You guys love that thing, don’t you? Come on, we still have to get some vegetables, I’m out of cinnamon and chocolate- Oh, and napkins!” he starts walking, and Sunggyu hastily follows him before he can help himself.  
  
“Wait, I’m… I was going home actually” he manages to explain as he walks behind the other.  
  
“Oh? You have to be home?” Woohyun asks looking over his shoulder.  
  
And Sunggyu frowns, because no he doesn’t _have_ to be home. He doesn’t _want_ to be home either. He was actually going to walk around until he found something to do, someplace to spend some time, or, if he ends up going home after all, he’ll just spend the hours on his own, brooding and sulking, working himself into a sour mood. In the best of cases he’ll do some school work and then turn off his brain in front of the old television until he falls asleep. Promising.  
  
“Nah”  
  
“Perfect then, let’s go!”

 

\---

  
He wants to laugh at himself, or at Woohyun for that matter. This is ridiculous.  
  
“Try cutting it a bit thinner” he hears the man. _This is stupid_ , he thinks. Who told him to get himself into a cooking class with this freaking ball of sunshine? He didn’t want to cook, didn’t care to learn to cook, so why in hell-? “Perfect! You’re good with the knives, huh?” Woohyun smiles at him, and he drops his eyes to the carrot his butchering.  
  
 _Good? Yeah right, keep your pleasantries to yourself… Alright? …_ “… R-really?”  
  
“Sure, Myungsoo’d have cut his thumb already” the other says lightly.  
  
Sunggyu has to chuckle at that, because he believes it’s the truth. And that must mean he’s not all that bad either… Right?  
  
“Now what?”  
  
“You can start with the rice. I’ll finish the cutting”  
  
 _Why can’t I keep cutting if I’m not that bad?_ He thinks, although he does start on the rice. He watches from the side as Woohyun’s hand moves with quick precision over the vegetables, the big knife slicing through them with an ease that made the hair in his arms raise. He can’t help to glance worriedly at the man’s fingers, millimeters away from the moving steel. There’s only a little bit of cabbage left, all five fingers cramped over it as the knife falls quickly closer- “You gonna cut your hand!”  
  
The knife stills mid-cut, and Woohyun looks up at him with a questioning look “What?”  
  
Sunggyu blinks “Uh… Your fingers… You’re gonna slice your fingers, you’re cutting to close” he mumbles, unable to hide his reluctant tone.  
  
“Oh” the man looks down at his hands and then laughs. _He laughin’ at me? The fuck? Chop your stupid hand off then-!_ “Yeah, it gives you the creeps to watch someone do that, right?” the man looks at him with a smile “I remember I had the same feeling the first times I watched my instructors, I was like ‘Dude, your hand! That onion’s not worth it!’”  
  
The chuckle comes out of his mouth before he can stop it, and it ends up deforming into a messy snort. He tries to save his cool and clears his throat, turning his face to the rice and ignoring the quick little thumps of the blade against the cut-board.  
  
A knock on the door comes soon after, just when Woohyun asks Sunggyu to start with the baking as he finishes the dish for his lunch the next day. It reminds him that there’s a reason he’ there, and it’s the fact that Myungsoo was supposed to be there too… Like forty minutes before.  
  
Then Myungsoo’s voice flows through the door “ _Hyung! I’m hungry_ ” and the knock goes again.  
  
A sigh escapes Woohyun as he reaches for a kitchen rag, his hands messy with food as he was making some rolls “Really, this timing of his-“  
  
“I’ll go” Sunggyu says without thinking, and rushes away before the other man can see his exasperated face. He pulls the door open with a considerable amount of aggression, and rises an eyebrow to his friend mild shocked expression “What?” he spats “You should’ve been here like an hour ago”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“The brownie’s gone cold”  
  
“What are you doing here?”  
  
“What? Am I not allowed?”  
  
“I didn’t say that-“  
  
“Then why the face? Are you coming in or not?”  
  
Myungsoo’s face twists a little, and he seems about to lash out at him, but Woohyun comes to save the day once more, hands away from him and covered in mustard sauce “Myung! About time, come on in!”

 

***

 


	2. Part ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, another 7kw part~

“What’s with you?”  
  
“With what?”  
  
“With my cousin”  
  
He takes two seconds too long to answer, for his liking “What about him?”  
  
“Are you friends or something?”  
  
“No, why are you asking?”  
  
“I don’t know, you were there on your own yesterday-“  
  
“ _He_ told me to go!”  
  
“Alright, I was just saying”  
  
“I just bumped into him and he insisted I helped him-“  
  
“Ok, it just-“  
  
“-because you were coming and he had to do something for today and-“  
  
“Alright, no need to explain, I believe you” his friends says amused.  
  
“I’m not-… Ah, never mind”  
  
The rest of the students start filling in and two of Sunggyu’s newest additions of acquaintances stride in lazily in all their unkempt fashion. Uniforms rumpled, ties gone, runners on his feet, platinum blonde hair in one, streaks of purple on the other. It really doesn’t look half bad, the purple, now that he looks at it properly. Sunggyu seriously starts considering a bright, angry red, or a fierce orange. The guy said those would look good on him.  
  
“You think red would look good on me?” he asks Myungsoo.  
  
“For what?”  
  
“My hair”  
  
“What?” the other laughs, but at the serious face he receives, he sobers up “Are you insane?”  
  
“Just a bit of fun”  
  
“ _Fun_? Is a suspension fun for you?”  
  
“The reactions could be fun” he shrugs.  
  
“Sunggyu, you’re looking for your fun in strange ways”  
  
“Why? You never thought of changing your style a bit?”  
  
“Yeah, but not just to piss someone off”  
  
“I’m not doing it because of that” he defends, but he knows what Myungsoo means, and it irks him that his friend has him figured out so easily “Forget I asked you, you don’t get it”  
  
“Oh no, I do get it, but it’s not-“  
  
“Hey dude!” someone sits on his desk, and he leans back a bit to look up at the platinum blonde “What you doin’ Saturday?”  
  
“ _Dude_?” Myungsoo asks from the side, his eyes burning holes in the blonde’s head.  
  
Sunggyu throws his friend a lazy glance and turns to the other “Saturday when?”  
  
“Saturday”  
  
He rolls his eyes in annoyance “Well, I don’t know, _something_ probably”  
  
“Well, bad mood dude? What a rarity” the other jokes “Saturday night”  
  
“Oh, nothing then”  
  
“Awesome, you commin’ then”  
  
“Where?” he frowns.  
  
“We goin’ out!” the guy smiles broadly and nudges his shoulder playfully “Ready to get wasted?”  
  
“Oh”  
  
“And before that, what about painting that hard head of yours a pretty color, huh?”  
  
“Oh” he repeats, this time a bit more happily “That I like”  
  
“Oh, you’ll like the rest just as much, you’ll see” the other lifts his ass from Sunggyu’s desk and pats his back as he walks away.  
  
A second or two tick by and then Myungsoo is leaning over his desk with a serious frown “So, you’re going to dye your hair _and_ then going out with those idiots”  
  
“Never said I was going out with them”  
  
“Right, as you said you didn’t drink”  
  
“I told you it was just a bit, dammit!”  
  
“Not my point”  
  
“Look, lay off, I can take care of myself”  
  
“Yeah, sure looks like it”  
  
He throws a hard look to his friend, a bit fed up with all the half-hearted scolding “ _Lay_ _off_ ” he repeats in a stressed tone.  
  
Myungsoo looks honestly angry by this point, but so is Sunggyu, so he just turns ahead and sends a quick message to the guy with the purple streaks on his head ‘ _cool hair dude_ ’ for what he receives a ‘ _ikr? ;D_ , _PE teach loved it, first f all to give me dtention_ ’ that makes him snort in amusement.  


 

***

  
  
It’s Friday, and the weekend is looming right around the corner. It could be decent, waking up to an empty apartment at noon, eat whatever leftover he finds appetizing in the kitchen, try to convince Myungsoo to do something, maybe go to his house, go back home late, be welcome by the sound of the shower running maybe, or tiptoeing his way around if not, because it would mean his father was be taking a nap… Or not back yet. A silent, halfhearted dinner, doing homework (or doing as if) and then to his room to fool with the internet in his phone until he fell asleep at the wee hours of the morning.  
  
Sunday would be a something like a copy paste of the Saturday, except his father would probably be sleeping, home-working, or out for some reason Sunggyu couldn’t give a flying fuck about.  
  
He didn’t, really.  
  
So, it’s Friday, and while most of the school’s population is oozing with anticipation, he’s as sour as ever. Myungsoo, at his side, seems to be the same way, but he knows it’s for a different reason. He is the most likely reason, actually. _Still angry at me, huh? Why is he so intent in being angry at me? He always finds something to pester me about, something wrong, something bad, something- Ah, whatever. And why is he even here if he’s so mad? See if I care._ He mentally shrugs, and then actually shrugs, having worked himself into a mild state of annoyance already.  
  
“And what’s wrong now?” he hears his friend ask.  
  
“Not your problem” he shots back, and even he has to admit it was uncalled for, but he is in a bad mood… Again.  
  
To his surprise, though, Myungsoo stands up, spats a curt “Suit yourself” and walks away.  
  
 _Smooth, Sunggyu, very smooth!_ He chides himself, and crosses out Myungsoo’s company from his options for the weekend. Thick frustration grows inside him, and he gets even angrier. Really, what the heck is wrong with everything?  
  
His pocket vibrates, he wants to throw it out the window, because he just wants to be a bit more stupid, but a second of reasoning has him reading the new message from ‘purple boy’.  
  
 _Sneakin out after lunch. Seeya at the back ;)_  
  
Oh well, something to do at last. And the school and all its inhabitants can go fuck themselves.  
  
His mood improves the tiniest bit.  


 

\---

  
They’re at a narrow alley, people walking by like a flow of water, constant, unchanging, uncaring. Four young guys lounging in the dark little street, same pants, messy shirts, backpacks thrown on the dirty ground, unlabeled bottles near. One of them has a cigarette in his mouth, another pulls one from the package.  
  
“For real, though, you should totally screw that” the first one says around the cig.  
  
Lazy eyes narrow a bit under a black-and-purple fringe as a lighter’s little flame lits a bright red tip “Yeah no” the other says without interest, handing back the little plastic object and taking a long drag of smoke.  
  
“Not all that good anyway” a third one comments from his place against the wall, the bottle waiting for him to finish talking to find his mouth.  
  
“You both nuts” says the first one, pocketing the lighter while he flips his blond hair off his face.  
  
And there’s the fourth one, sitting beside the lazy smoker over a big metallic container, his back against the wall, watching at the offhanded exchange. He wonders what in hell he’s doing. Skipping school, drinking during the day (or drinking at all), in a dirty alley with this bunch. He honestly wonders what the fuck he’s doing… But at the same time, he can't bring himself to care. He’s doing what he wants, that’s it.  
  
Something nudges his side, and he takes the bottle without looking, a small sip, a grimace, a second, bigger gulp, another grimace, a third taste, a sigh and he hands the alcohol back. He has to make another sour face when a wave of rancid smoke hits his face, and he throws a mild glare to his side, meeting a pair of lazy eyes watching him with amusement.  
  
“Bothers you?”  
  
“No shit, purple boy” he half drawls.  
  
The guy laughs distended and places the cigarette between his lips again, inhaling slowly, then pulling it out and glancing at him again. He watches, those lethargic eyes locked on him, and the lips part ever so slightly to push out a new wave of toxic shit. He glares again, narrows his eyes, but can’t quite pull them away from the grinning mouth that’s taking the white filter.  
  
Then the mouth moves “Wanna try?”  
  
It takes him a bit unguarded, his eyes widen and he stalls for a second “What?”  
  
The guy takes the cig and offers it to him “Wanna try?” he repeats.  
  
He scoffs “Nasty”  
  
“It is, but it kills the sour mood, good way to cool down” the other says, his eyes keen on him “And takes some time away”  
  
A click of tongue, a doubtful look “Don’t need that”  
  
The guy laughs hard at that “Oh, really?”  
  
Sunggyu pushes him without real force, a grin pulling at the corner of his mouth “The heck, man?”  
  
“Come on, just give it a try” he offers again.  
  
“I’m gonna choke on that little shit”  
  
“Probably” there’s a dragging sound in the word, the alcohol taking its toll on their tongues “But you’ll see I’m right”  
  
 _Right?_ He wonders, as he watches the cigarette being clasped between lips again, the bright red consuming the length and then relenting, the mouth opening and gray, pale, lazy smoke flowing out. Something in it, in all of it, is pulling his attention, his curiosity, there’s this strange interest building in him…  
  
“Go ahead” he is presented with the disgusting thing again, and he takes it between his fingers with obvious resentment. Soft, slurred laughter surrounds him from his side “It’s not gonna bite you”  
  
“No, just gonna poison me”  
  
“Mh…” a rumble, he looks at the lazy eyes, they never left him “A bit, perhaps”  
  
Sunggyu tries, chokes, coughs and his eyes smart. The other two laugh at him, but the lethargic gaze smiles at him as the purple guy takes the cig out of his hand and places it back between his own lips.  
  
He’s not sure what he’s trying to do, to prove, to achieve, but he finds a twisted sense of accomplishment by doing all of this. These guys entertain him, the alcohol diverts his attention, the edge of it all amuses him somehow. And now this…  Well, to hell with it, it has a purpose to serve…  
  
Sometime later, when his mind is definitely fogged by alcohol and after a second failed attempt at a smoke, an offhanded thought hits him from behind, and he has to laugh at the stupidity… Or maybe it’s not so stupid, maybe he’s the stupid one, but he remembers that his father smokes too, and he remembers that he _hates_ it.  


 

***

  
  
He still feels a bit awkward, out of place, uninvited… though he was invited several times, insisted and nearly forced to come. But that isn’t the point. The thing is that he’s now at the entrance of a night club, and he’s nervous. The guys around him suddenly feel like a blanket of mild security, a strange, loud, rude and already tipsy security, but it does its magic. There’s also the fact that this costs money, money he doesn’t really have. Or he has, but feels all kinds of wrong to dilapidate on a night like this. He tried to sneak his way out of it with that card, these people know he is not one of them, they know he is the dusty sheep of the pristine herd, the struggling sheep of the well-off herd. But all he managed is that now they are half paying his night. He’s surprised, honestly, at their acceptance and their insistence. But he still hates it, the debt, the charity or whatever it is. He’ll have to pay it off as soon as he can. Somehow.  
  
The other thing bothering him is his conscience, because yeah, it picked this glorious moment to come and bite him. His hand in his pocket fumbles with his phone. He thinks of the message he received mere hours ago. ‘ _Come home, I got the movie you wanted to watch. You can sleep over.’_ Myungsoo had written, all full, proper words. He thought about not answering, still feeling a bit bitter about his friend, then remembered he had been the asshole, and replied a short ‘ _Going out with the guys tonight.’_ Full words with Myungsoo. The conflicting part is that he got a message back. ‘ _Come on, I’ll be at my cousins, we can play BS.. He asked about you. He’ll make us something.’_ His conscience started acting up by then, because he felt his friend was trying a bit too hard. ‘ _Sorry, already made plans with them. Maybe another time?’_ He actually felt bad about his answer, and expected text silence or maybe a curt retort, but surprise again ‘ _Come on, I’ll be bored out of my mind, and Woohyun seems to like you’_ , and he didn’t have time to answer before another one got in ‘ _I don’t like you going out at night with those idiots.’_ And then the annoyance was back full force, so he never replied. Therefore, guilty conscience nibbling at his mind at the moment-  
  
“Relax dude!” purple boy tells him, a hand squeezing his shoulder just in the place it meets his neck. It makes him flinch away “What’ya worried about? Not getting past the gorillas? Not getting’ any for the night? Passing out drunk?” there was clear amusement in the other’s voice.  
  
“Nah” he just says, but it’s a bit of everything.  
  
He gets through the bouncers, not able to help a mildly intimidated glance at them, and then he’s attacked by heat, bodies, an invasive bass and dizzy sounds. They go straight to the bar. His companions seem to be well acquainted with the place, even though they aren’t supposed to be there in the first place. But then again, they weren’t supposed to drink alcohol or smoke either and well…  
  
A tall glass in pushed his way by one of the guys, he’s about to take it when a hand stops him, and replaces the first glass with a smaller one, this time full of clear liquid. He looks up and finds lazy, yet very awake eyes drilling into his own, a grin to match.  
  
“What’s this?” he forces his voice.  
  
The guy lifts a second shot in his hand and gestures for him to do the same, leaning closer to say “The starting line, sweets”  
  
He’s taken aback. _The fuck?_ ‘ _Sweets’? What’s that supposed to mean? Was that an endearment?_ He blinks confused, but only for a second, then he shrugs it off. There are so many weird things going on lately, new stuff he has no idea how it works, so he might as well get used to it.  
  
He lifts the shot, eyes it doubtfully, looks at purple boy and after a sign, downs the burning, disgusting, bitter liquid in one go.  
  
Lemmon and salt make it a bit better.  


 

\---

  
It wasn’t so bad after all. Boring as hell the first moments, maybe an hour or so, until he got drunk enough to find anything amusing and irritating and interesting and so many incoherent things that time flew by and when he realizes, he’s horizontal on something soft.  
  
And feeling like shit.  
  
In fact, he feels like someone filled his stomach with rotten water, his limbs with concrete, his mouth with dirty rags and his head with crazy bees. So, yeah, he feels like absolute shit.  
  
It’s a huge ordeal to raise on his elbows, the room spins a bit, he realizes that he’s on a messy bed, and not alone. A warm arm slides from his back to his waist, and he squints to see who it was.  
  
 _What in the name of all fucks?_ His brain asks him, while he stares at a mess of black and purple hair. The arm is still on the small of his back and it’s a bit uncomfortable, so he stands up. And immediately regrets it.  
  
He’s cradling his head and kneeling beside the bed as he shakes the guy awake “I gotta go, wake the fuck up” he growls, craving a shower and his toothbrush.  
  
His clothes reek of sweat, smoke and alcohol. It’s disgusting. He’s not sure the night was worth this hellish awakening, can’t remember all of it either.  
  
The other shifts and groans, blinks his eyes open, stares at him for a long while, then smiles “Hello” he drawls, voice sounding like gravel.  
  
“This your house” he can’t even make it a question.  
  
“It is”  
  
“Get me out, gotta go”  
  
Purple boy laughs, ungainly and distended “You wound my feelings” he mocks.  
  
“The fuck you talking about?”  
  
A bit of more laughter “Nothin’, never mind” the guy stands up, groans a little, stretches his back and scratches his stomach.  
  
He looks so carefree, so relaxed, completely owning his motions “Why are you not _dying_?”  
  
“What?” there’s honest surprise in the droppy eyes.  
  
“I feel like crap”  
  
A blink, and a burst of laughter so clear it makes Sunggyu flinch and bury his head in his hands. The sounds gets muffled “Oh, man” a little sigh “Well, I can handle my alcohol a bit better than you, dear”  
  
 _There, now it’s dear_ “Just send me home” he whines, discarding his dignity.  
  
“Oh, no need. You can sleep here some more, I don’t mind”  
  
“No, I… I wanna go home, alright?” he mumbles against the mattress.  
  
“Well, suit yourself, sweets”  
  
“Why the names?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Noth’n… Home, please”  
  
The other laughs again, but helps him out and directs him to the train station. Luckily, he’s only two stops away from the one near his home.  
  
He doesn’t even think of getting in trouble for this. It’s not likely.  


 

\---

  
The train seat is uncomfortable, his head is pressing against the metal pole near the doors, his neck can’t hold it up, and the cold surface helps with the headache… It doesn’t really, but he likes to think it does. He’s taking steady, deep breaths, doing his best not to think much, not to fall asleep or faint. It’s only two stations, and then getting up and walking… It sounds so painfully difficult.  
  
The train starts, and the rickety sound sends vicious stabs of pain through his skull, while the rocking of the vehicle turns his sense of direction askew, as well as his stomach.  
  
“Sunggyu?” the deep voice startles him “Oh, holy crap, you look like dead” he barely open his eyes, a blurry image forms in front of him. _Do I know you?_ He doesn’t actually say it, he groans instead, because he recognizes the voice “Are you ok?” the tone is softer now, but it still bothers him “You going home?” he nods. Or tries to, he doesn’t want to move much, barely can anyway, nausea started building up since he left the other boy’s house, and the headache is torturing him like hammers on his skull “Two stops from now, right?” the voice is even softer, the insistence is annoying, but very much appreciated at the same time. He nods “Alright, I’ll walk you home”  
  
 _I don’t need you to walk me home. I’m not a fucking child or a little girl._ But damn, he’s grateful and relieved.  
  
He feels pulled to the side, and then something hard and soft at the same time presses against him, his head is lowered… And he’s suddenly dozing off on Woohyun’s shoulder.

 

  
\---

  
He wants to crawl into his bed and pass out, he wants to groan and whimper and demand for some comfort. But he’s being practically hauled down the street, a firm arm around him and his feet stumbling.  
  
“Hey, does your dad know where you are?”  
  
“Yeah” he manages. He has a vague recollection of a message sent telling him he’d be going to a friend’s house. Seems pretty legitimate, so yeah, must be a true memory.  
  
“Alright, is he expecting you?”  
  
“Nah”  
  
“Ok, then what about I bring you home and you sleep this off, ok? It’s only a block away” he makes a sound of complaint; he wants to go _home_ , dammit. Woohyun tries again “Listen Sunggyu, you’re not even walking anymore, I’m dragging you. It’s better he doesn’t see you like this, right?” _it doesn’t matter, won’t notice, just take me home_ , he whines in his head, complains wordlessly again, doesn’t even know why “Are we near your place?” he keeps quiet, shakes his head in slow motion “Come on, then” is the last thing the man says, firm voice and strong arms.  
  
Sunggyu lets himself be half dragged a little while more, then into a building, elevator, through a door, a bit of walking, and then… He nearly passes off on a fresh, soft, heavenly bed.  
  
Last thing he hears is Woohyun’s deep voice saying something about a shower and a toothbrush, aspirin? Almost noon? He doesn’t get it, but he does feel the gentle hand on his forehead as he drifts off.  


 

\---

  
He wakes up immersed in confusion, dizziness… And a sweet smell. He feels stuck in place, his body too warm, the bed trapping him, the comforter over him tangled in his legs. The pillow swallows him, he can feel the imprints on his face. It’s difficult to get up, but he does, then stays sitting on the edge of the bed, eyeing the unfamiliar room through sleep-swollen eyes. He remembers Woohyun, so this must be his room. He sees the half empty glass of water, the blister of aspirins beside it, and, _oh right, the headache_. A hand goes to his forehead; it barely hurts anymore, not in comparison at least.  
  
“Ah, thank God” he sighs, unsteadily standing up. He still feels a bit off, stuffy, groggy… And dirty. He peeks through the door, hears sounds, a deep voice singing, that’s Woohyun. He inhales and the sweet scent travels straight to him empty stomach. He ventures out, padding sluggishly until he faces the familiar entrance to the kitchen, Woohyun’s back to him “Uh… E-excuse me?” he croaks out, clearing his throat right after.  
  
Woohyun turns quickly, revealing a dark green apron and a long, dented knife with bread crumbs in his hand “Oh, Sunggyu” he says, his voice tame, almost hushed. He eyes him up and down, eyebrows set in a slight scowl “How are you feeling?”  
  
“Uh… I’m better”  
  
“Alright, want to use the bathroom?”  
  
“Ah, yes, please” he nods slowly, afraid to bring back the torturing headache.  
  
“You know where it is” the man points vaguely to the corridor from where Sunggyu just came from “I left some clothes you can borrow beside the shower, and a toothbrush over it”  
  
He clears his throat again “Right, I’ll… Ok, I’ll go then”  
  
The toothbrush is still in the package, and Sunggyu feels a bit bad about it. Did the guy just buy it for him? Then he clicks his tongue. _Who asked him to do it? I could have managed with some mouthwash_ … Woohyun was too thoughtful for Sunggyu’s liking. No, not for his liking, for his comfort, and there was a difference.  
  
The shower and toothpaste leave him refreshed, relaxed and almost new, the warm water soothes his still aching muscles and wakes most of his brain from the sleepy stupor. He walks out of the bathroom with his clothes in a heap, his hair wet and his foot bare. He stands in the main room for a little while, contemplating what to do with his overall self.  
  
“Leave that on the chair back there, I’ll take care of it later. Come here and eat something”  
  
He turns to face the man behind him and scowls, shaking his head “No, it’s fine. I have to go”  
  
“Go? Not like that” Woohyun points at his feet “And not without eating”  
  
“It’s fine” he repeats, stressing a bit the words “I just need… Something where to put these” he lifts the clothes in his hands “That’s all”  
  
Woohyun looks at him for long seconds, and Sunggyu might feel a bit bad again, for rejecting his offer and wanting to leave after all the help. But then Woohyun walks closer, his face blank and his movements solid and deliberate. He takes Sunggyu’s clothes from him and walks to the chair he mentioned before, dropping everything there. He turns around and pushes Sunggyu along, a hand on his back, not batting an eyelash until he makes him meet the table “Now you sit, and you have some food” he announces, no inflexion in his voice.  
  
Sunggyu blinks confused, hackles going up. He takes a deep breath and turns to face the other, ready to storm off. But he can’t quite do it, because Woohyun’s face is not angry and demanding as he expects, instead it’s soft and gentle. The sharp edges in his attitude melt down, and then completely vanish when he looks down the table. There’s a mug of tea, a plate with slices of bright green kiwi and toasts with what looked like honey, a little bowl of yoghurt and flakes along with an enormous glass of orange juice that might as well have been an entire bottle.  
  
“Uh… This…”  
  
“Your _breakfast_ , good for hangovers, so eat” the other says, turning to the kitchen counter.  
  
He slowly sits, watching the food with curious eyes. He wonders if the guy went out of his way to make it, he doubted he had all of this just sitting in the fridge, _he_ doesn’t. But then again, he doesn’t even have simple bread sometimes “Isn’t it supposed to be coffee?” he blurts “You know, for hangovers”  
  
A snort answers him before the words “No, kid, coffee is not the way out”  
  
He ignores the flutter of indignation at the term _kid_ , and instead starts eating.  
  
Half way through the food he gasps and turns to the man, who’s now reading from a little battered notebook across him “Uh… Hey” Woohyun looks up, eyebrows up in question “Uh, sorry for the bother” he mumbles, unable to hold the stare.  
  
“Don’t worry about it” Woohyun waves a hand dismissively.  
  
Sunggyu feels the itch to throw a snappy reply at the man for the uncaring response, but instead tries again “And thanks… For helping me”  
  
Woohyun stares at him for a second or two, Sunggyu’s eyes going up and down from the man’s face to the food. And then there’s that stupid smile “It’s ok, Sunggyu” the voice sounds a bit softer, more like he remembered.  
  
Sunggyu feels his shoulders relax, and goes back to eating. Until he remembers another very important fact and looks up with big pleading eyes “Oh! And please don’t tell Myungsoo”  
  
Woohyun laughs hard at that, and Sunggyu tries to hide his smile behind more orange juice.  
  
“Things are going sour with you two?” the man asks finally. He doesn’t answer, just shrugs, and Woohyuns gives him a strange look, Sunggyu thinks it might be close to understanding, hopes it to be “He’s just worried, you know?”  
  
He blinks, then scowls “Worried? For what?” his voice comes out a bit sharp, but he really doesn’t like the idea of his friend acting the part of a parent, it’s ridiculous and annoying at once.  
  
“I guess…” the man shrugs “Listen, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but… Well, he talked to me the other day, and yes, he _is_ worried. He feels you’re walking away from him”  
  
And that’s not what he was expecting. His frown relaxes into a mildly surprised look “Walk away from him?” he wants to laugh at that, but he knows it’s kind of true. But then, he is not, not really, he’s just hanging out with some other people, it’s Myungsoo who just doesn’t want to accept that “That’s stupid, and it’s not like he’s making it any better”  
  
“Sometimes people just don’t know how to act right, and their messages come out a bit… Confusing”  
  
“Yeah, tell me about it” he mutters into the mug of tea.  
  
“That’s why a middle ground is always important”  
  
“A what?”  
  
“A middle ground” the man smiles, not so stupid but more… Something “You know, between good and bad, between _it’s all good!_ and _fuck you too!_ ” Sunggyu can’t stop the laugh on time and almost spits his tea “A middle ground, where you take a second, look at them funny and say _Did you mean what I think you did?_ , then it can go two ways” he lifts two fingers, his face the picture of a patient teacher “They really didn’t mean what you thought and then you go back to stage 1: _it’s all good!_ , or, yeah they really meant that and you go to stage 3 and _well fuck you too then, sir!_ ”  
  
Sunggyu is snickering away, a hand on his slightly pounding head and the other trying to hide his grin “I guess I _am_ missing that middle ground” he admits.  
  
“It’s not always easy to find” the other concedes, the smile still on his face “Now finish that breakfast”  


 

***

  
Yet another week, long, boring days of monotone routine. It’s exasperating, no wonder he itches to break a few lines here and there… Never mind which lines. Low murmur flows in the classroom, he watches idly at the rest of the course, he can hear the other guys, a tranquil voice somehow standing out, clear as water. Purple boy laughs distended somewhere behind him, and he can’t help the little turn of his head towards the sound. _Why so freaking curious, anyway?,_ he berates himself, shaking the thoughts away and turning ahead again.  
  
“So…” he trails off, hitting the back of his pen on his desk “Your cousin told me you are going to his place tomorrow”  
  
Myungsoo glances sideways to him, his face still hard “So what?”  
  
“Can I come along?” he asks without preamble, the constant click of his pen against the desk now making a rhythm.  
  
His friend scoffs and rolls his eyes “You have no shame, do you?”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Really now?”  
  
“What?”  
  
Myungsoo stares at him, a stare that’s borderline a glare, and then leans in slowly “Listen to me, if you don’t apologize in the following hour, I’ll be officially, honestly, and seriously pissed off at you” he slaps him hand over Sunggyu’s, stopping the hitting of the pen “I give you an hour because I know it physically hurts you to swallow that big pride of yours and accept you screwed up, but I mean it” then he turns to the front and proceeds to ignore Sunggyu’s existence for the remaining of their class.  
  
Sunggyu believes Myungsoo’s threat, he knows his friend. But his friend also knows him, and the struggle inside of him is less a debate and more like a carnage between his conscience and his pride.  
  
A buzz takes his attention to his phone. It’s from purple boy.  
  
 _My place after class?_  
  
He thinks about it for a while, _tries_ to think about it, but his fingers are already typing back a quick _Sure_.  


 

\---

  
He’s walking behind his friend, towards the backyard he supposes, and it’s only five minutes until his one hour deadline. And he’s still struggling, the fact that he even has a deadline makes it even worse. He’s seen Myungsoo’s mood worsen, by now he is stomping angrily through the corridor, pointedly ignoring Sunggyu following him, and he gets it, but still can’t bring himself to do what he has to. Stupid, he thinks, but still difficult.  
  
His friend suddenly turns on his heels and he has to stumble to a stop not to slam against him. He looks at his face, and yes, Myungsoo is positively seething “Really?” the boy hisses “Nothing?”  
  
He would have snapped back, maybe throw a scoff and start an argument, but his hangover 'morning' is still fresh in his mind. ‘ _He just feels you’re walking away from him’_ , he had said, and he notices all too clearly now, the hurt and worry in Myungso’s eyes. His friend, though, seems to take his stare and silence as a challenge, as it usually is, because he throws his hands up in defeat and laughs without any humor.  
  
He looks down at his phone, one single minute, and his friend is turning around again. Sunggyu mentally kicks his ass into action, figuratively swallows his pride and reaches forward to the retreating boy, catching his arm and pulling softly back “I’m sorry” he finally forces out of his mouth. _Too low_ , he thinks “I’m sorry” he tries again, a bit louder. _Too angry_ , he reprimands “I’m sorry Myung” he gives his final version of the apology, this time content with the result.  
  
Myungsoo stays quiet, looking away from him, then turns his head, face blank and mutters in a flat tone “You’re an asshole, you know that?” Sunggyu pursues his mouth, bits back the offense, the retort, the derisive gesture, and nods. Myungsoo stares at him a bit longer, then sighs “Brought any lunch?”  
  
He shakes his head “Forgot to buy something” he looks around, guessing it’s back as if nothing happened “Should go grab something, come with me?”  
  
It’s Myungsoo’s turn to shake his head “Woohyun gave me too much, we can share”  
  
And there he was again, that guy. _Annoying_ , he thinks, wonders, but then _nah, not really_. He smiles, and hurries to catch up to Myungsoo, who’s already walking away.  


 

\---

  
“They don’t give a fuck, they’re never home” purple boy says around the cigarette.  
  
Sunggyu hums, nursing the bottle in his hands, scratching at the label “Neither is mine” he grumbles.  
  
A humorless little laugh “What I tell you, they don’t care”  
  
 _No, he’s just never home_ , he corrects in his mind, but doesn’t bother to say it out loud.  
  
“Well, at least they are honest” another says from the floor “Not making a fuss for every stupid thing you do. I mean, my mom, she ignores that I don’t come back home ‘till morning and keep a stash of smokes in my desk’s drawer, but man don’t you dare raise your voice at her” he scoffs “Freaking stupid”  
  
“Yeah well” the fourth shrugs “That’s why living on you own is the best way”  
  
“Not much difference from what I do, right?” purple boy says, nudging Sunggyu’s side with his elbow “Or you?”  
  
“There is a difference” the fourth says, but doesn’t explain.  
  
They drop the subject in favor of something not as serious, open the big window, one of them starts going about some pair of cousins he _scored_ the weekend, Sunggyu can’t tell if he’s making it up or not. Doesn’t really care, anyway. He just sits there on the bed, eyes traveling slowly through the mess of the room, thinking he should be proud of himself, or maybe feel a bit stupid, for having his own so tidy in comparison. But at the same time, there was no comparison, the size was like twice or thrice his own, the bed too. The built-in closet, the massive plasma screen, the assortment of games, consoles, a guitar on the floor, expensive looking shoes and jackets all over the place… No point in comparing their rooms, even less the rest of the place. For starters, it was a house against a tiny apartment. But he’s ok with it, had years to get over it, and he did, for the most part, for all their differences, they have some things in common too, and it feels nice.  
  
He glances to the side, purple boy is leaning against the wall beside him, arms brushing. His lazy eyes are on the talking guy, uninterested it seems, a knee up, an arm over it, a half consumed cigarette on his loose fingers. The image is so carefree, so relaxed, self-confident? There’s something that pulls him in, again. Some twisted magnetism in this guy’s lack of concern, his uncaring way of facing it all… He’s staring, and he’s being stared back.  
  
He tears his eyes from the other, hating the slight warmth in his own face, the little shiver down his arms. Another nudge on his side, but this time the pressure stays, the body leans closer, and he’s not sure how to react to that. Annoyed, uncomfortable, unperturbed?  
  
“Here” he’s offered a drag. He thinks about it, shakes his head, but the other insists, twists his hand and pushes the filter against his lips “Come on, you were getting the hang of it” he hears the smile in the voice.  
  
He’s not thinking clearly anymore, because instead of taking the cigarette from the other’s hand, he just takes it between his lips and takes the pull. A little jolt of static pinches his skin when he feels the fingers against his mouth, feathery touch, but so unnerving and confusing. He tries not to, but as he retreats his lips, his eyes go up and meet a lazy stare so intense it almost makes him shiver. There’s a half formed s smile frozen in the other’s face, and Sunggyu thinks loudly _what the heck did you just do?._ The smile thaws and stretches slowly, and Sunggyu is not sure if he’s regretting what he did or not, but doesn’t relent his stance, won’t show if he’s freaking out or unconformable, unsure and lost. He’s fine with it, that’s what he shows, he’s fine with anything he’s thrown. A challenge, that’s what it all is, and he’s not stepping back.  
  
“Hey” a voice breaks in, and he turns his head to see one of the others talking to them “Tryin’ to lure toy soldier out of the box?” there’s a loose smirk on the blonde’s face, a strange tone, eyes just beside him.  
  
Sunggyu scrunches his eyebrows and glances to purple boy to his side. The guy is staring back, quiet. Sunggyu feels there’s something trespassing right in front of him, but he can’t figure it out. It’s unnerving.  
  
“Any problem?” purple boy finally retorts, his own voice heavier than expected for the friendly banter Sunggyu supposed was going on.  
  
The fourth guy is barely paying them any attention, fumbling with some little piece of paper in his hands. But the blonde doesn’t step back “I’m serious” he says, the smirk diluted by now, and a furtive glance goes to Sunggyu before returning to the smoking guy.  
  
“I am too, any problem?” purple boy repeats.  
  
“You know I don’t give a flyin’ fuck, dude, but you probably want to check for _problems_ somewhere else” the boy on the floor says, flat tone with a flat face.  
  
There’s a shift beside him, and he turns to see the guy closer than before, then an arm falls on his shoulders, a hand goes to his hair. Sunggyu is so put off that he doesn’t react for two seconds, and then he masters his face and takes it all in. Not worried, not confused out of his fucking mind, all good.  
  
“How ‘bout that dyeing?” the other says, softly tugging at some strands of his hair.  
  
He has to take a second to regain his composure, masking it as a moment of regard, eyes going to the side, to the crumpled bed sheets “Yeah” he mutters, his own hand going up in an attempt to push the other’s away. It doesn’t work, just makes it worse by brushing their fingers together “Might do it”  
  
“But how about like mine?” the voice sound too close, too low, and Sunggyu pulls at all his strings not to flinch away. And not to lean in closer “Not like that bleached head” a nod towards the blond boy, who’s staring at them with a stony face that makes Sunggyu even more uncomfortable than the guy draped over him. A hand goes under his chin and taps it up. Heat surges all over his back and neck, and he prays to every deity he knows that the blush doesn’t reach his face “How about it?”  
  
Sunggyu forces his eyes up to the black and purple, his heart anxious in his chest, his hackles up, but his attention drowned and overtaken by the swirl of confusion this guy is pushing into him. They behave so differently, so recklessly yet relaxed, it fazes him, intrigues him, unnerves him. But yeah, that hair, it does look good, it suits the boy, makes him look… Interesting, absorbing, a bit on edge. Dangerous, like a poisonous reptile.  
  
“I like it” he mumbles, not thinking much.  
  
A waft of warm air brushes his face “Do you?” he hears, and looks down just in time to see-  
  
 _Holly fuck, that’s too fucking close!_ He can’t help it anymore, his eyes going wide, his back tensing, the sharp intake of air, and he pulls back. Harsh movement, his arms shake a bit and his heart hits him in the chest as retaliation. _Geez, what the flying fuck?_  
  
The arm is no longer on him, and he feels the body shift away. He expects laughter, mocking, offense, anger even. Gets none of that, there’s silence, purple boy is back against the wall, looking all kinds of relaxed, as if nothing happened. The blond is staring holes through the guy, but with a semblance of calmness that seriously intrigues Sunggyu. He doesn’t get it, doesn’t get _them_.  
  
“Keep the fingers movin’, you gonna spook the kitten” the blond finally says, a twisted grin in his face.  
  
“Kitten wants to play, just needs to be shown how” purple boy answers, but Sunggyu has already given up on understanding.  
  
He forces his doubts back, as they all fall back into the idle chat. Time goes slowly, he can’t really put his mind out of the swamp, barely pays attention to the others, just watches their interactions, looking for hints of normality in what happens. Watches purple boy too intently, berates himself for doing so.  
  
He gets hungry, and thinks he might just go home for the day.  
  
“Yeah, no shit for eating here” the boy on the bed says with a smile “But we can order something”  
  
He hums “No, it’s fine”  
  
“No, yeah, let’s get something, I’m starving” another says “Your folks not commin’ tonight, right?”  
  
“Nope”  
  
“Well then, place’s ours!”  
  
“Exactly” he looks up at Sunggyu, who’s already standing up “You stayin’?”  
  
“No, I’m leaving”  
  
Purple boy stares at him “Suit yourself” he says in a low voice.  
  
Sunggyu stares back and nudges his feet with his leg “Door”  
  
The moment he starts walking back home, he lets the tension roll off his shoulders. He’s seriously hungry, but also wanted to just get the hell out of there. It was making him restless. And the freaking cigarette smoke made his stomach twist in disgust and then growl in hunger. And there was no decent food at his home either.  
  
He sighs, it was a good moment for Woohyun to appear magically again. But it doesn’t happen, and he ends up home rummaging the cupboards in case he forgot some leftover from one of his visits to that warm, food scented apartment.  
  
No such luck.  


 

***


	3. Part iii

He’s left Myungsoo playing on his own. He was kicking his ass anyway, and he didn’t tag along with him for his gamer pride to be tested like that.  
  
“Bored already?” Woohyun asks without looking up, a knife mercilessly chopping some dark chocolate.  
  
“No, just trying to preserve what little dignity I have left”  
  
A low chuckle bubbles from the man’s chest, a warm sound, Sunggyu thinks “There’s no such thing as dignity in games”  
  
He huffs a little laugh “What are you doing?”  
  
“Chocolate cheesecake”  
  
He blinks up from the knife “That a thing?”  
  
“ _That a thing?_ ” the other laughs “Yes, that’s a real recipe”  
  
Sunggyu clicks his tongue annoyed at the mockery, but leaves it at that, he’s got more important things to think of, like “But you mix cheese _with_ chocolate?”  
  
“Exactly”  
  
“Does that really taste good?” he can’t help the grimace.  
  
“It does, but you’ll never know until you try it”  
  
“It is for now?” he asks.  
  
“No, I have a dinner tonight and I’m in charge of the dessert”  
  
“Oh”  
  
Woohyun laughs again, and finally looks up from his work “I’ll make you some next time, alright?”  
  
 _Forget it_ , he thinks “Alright” he nods, the smile breaks free before he can stop it.  
  


***

  
  
One more boring morning to his record. One more day of low expectative for fun but a bit for a good way to kill some time. Maybe, if the guys were doing something after class… Or during class, doesn’t matter.  
  
 _Oh, tomorrow_ , he remembers suddenly, while listlessly highlighting some notes for History. A little grin pulls at the corner of his mouth. He almost wishes that bizarre cake is awful so he can give Woohyun a bad time…  But no, that’d be too shitty, the guy’s gonna bake that _for_ him, how crazy is that? Maybe he can take some back home, stash it in the fridge and make it last for as long as he can. To survive the winter.  
  
He chuckles on his own, ignoring the curious look Myungsoo gives him from his side. His friend doesn’t know, because he didn’t tell him. And that’s kind of strange, he’s going to Woohyun’s solely to eat the silly cheesecake, and doesn’t want to tell Myungsoo because… Well because. He doesn’t want to appear like a starved beggar, visiting a nearly stranger’s home to eat. But he really wants to try that cake, like, seriously. He watched the man through the whole baking process and, honestly, it tempted him so bad he almost stole the spatula to lick it clean. He actually did, but Woohyun made him drop it before he could achieve to poke his tongue out.  
  
Thinking back on it, he feels a bit embarrassed about his attitude. He spent the whole time orbiting around the man, asking what he was doing, what he was using, how he did this or that, and almost whining when he was denied the goddamned spatula. But Woohyun had never once complained about it, so he thought it was ok.  
  
“What are you even doing” Myungsoo’s voice breaks his train of thought.  
  
“What?”  
  
The other nods to his notes, and yeah, there is now a big mass of bright yellow all over the page “Highlighting?”  
  
“The whole page?”  
  
“It’s important”  
  
Myungsoo throws him an amused look and shakes his head “It’s your notes”  
  
He shrugs and peeks to his friend’s own notes, but then something warm brushes his neck and shivers break all over his arms and back.  
  
“Hey” he hears, and the nerves are back in a second.  
  
He looks up to meet lazy eyes and purple strands of hair between stark black “Hey”   
  
“Listen, we’re hitting the club this Saturday” the boy says, his fingers still softly touching the back of his neck.  
  
“Oh…” he nods, waiting for the other to finish.  
  
He gets raised eyebrows “You comin’”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You comin’” a grin breaks into the other’s face.  
  
“Uh, I don’t know…”  
  
“Ah, bullshit, man, you _are_ coming with me” the fingers turn into a full hand that slides to his shoulder.  
  
“Alright, alright, I’ll tell you later” he shrugs his shoulder to move the hand away from his skin.  
  
The guy snickers and pats his shoulder. Sunggyu expects to be left alone, but in the blink of an eye, the hand goes up to his jaw, back to his neck again and pinches him quickly before he can swat it away. Purple boy is walking away when he realizes his face is too warm to be normal.  
  
“What was that just now?” Myungsoo asks slowly.  
  
Sunggyu turns to him and finds him looking at the place where the other guy just disappeared through.  
  
“What? Nothing” he mutters.  
  
Myungsoo shifts his eyes to him, questioning and slightly narrowed “Nothing” he echoes blankly.  
  
“Yeah, nothing, they just like clubbing a bit too much”  
  
“Alright” again the flat tone, but the matter is dropped.  
  
Sunggyu huffs annoyed. Stupid challenges and his stupid pride took him there. And the stupid confusing things. Things and people. These stupid mixtures that left him gawking and put off, yet yearning to try a bit more.  
  
Like that stupid chocolate cheesecake… _Right, tomorrow_ , he smiles again.  
  


\---

  
He’s surprised to find the door unlocked, then panics for a second, until he hears the voice “ _Sunggyu?_ ” he remains in his place, pushes the door open, watches the man peek from the kitchen door “Hey”  
  
“Hi… What are you doing here?”  
  
“Electricity got cut at the office for some repairing”  
  
“Oh…”  
  
“I’ll be working here, so…”  
  
 _So what? Don’t bother me? Go somewhere else?_ “I’m leaving soon anyway” he says bitterly, even though he wasn’t really planning to.  
  
“Where?”  
  
 _Not your business_ “Just out”  
  
He walks to his room, drops his things and changes his uniform. When he walks back into the living room his father is already plugged into work, a heavy scowl sitting on his brow and three different folders on the table beside his laptop. He walks into the kitchen, not really hungry, just to do something, takes a glass, fills is with water, has a sip or two and then leans on the counter.  
  
What is he going to do now? Lock himself in the room? Sit in the kitchen nursing a glass of water? Stay in the living room silently watching him work? Actually go out with nothing to do? Not like he usually has that many options more, but at least he doesn’t feel like he’s intruding. And why is he even feeling that? It’s his home too, right? But no, the man has to work here, so there’s that… It feels awkward, and that’s not right. Hates to feel that way when he shouldn’t.  
  
He sighs in annoyance and pulls his phone out, thinks of Myungsoo, ‘ _What u doin now?’_ , he writes, sends, then remembers it’s Myungsoo and his words should have been complete. Oh well…  
  
 _Photography, then to watch my little brother’s performance with his class. Why?_  
  
Well, fuck. _‘Never mind’._ Sulky answer, he knows, but he’s in a sulky mood right now. And he’s pretty damn sure Myungsoo knows why he’d send a message like that; it was self-explanatory actually, but whatever.  
  
 _Guess it’s out and around until something comes up_ , he resigns himself and walks to the door. A hand is on the handle when his father asks “Don’t you have any homework to do, Sunggyu?”  
  
And then the mood goes further down, because _that’s what worries you, right?_ He glances back, sees his father watching him with a scowl on his grim face. He wants to walk out, slam the door and be gone, but then he also sees the dark shadows under the man’s eyes, and the lines of worry in his face… And Woohyun said that thing, people mixing signals and middle ground and whatnot. He could try.  
  
But he’s still bitter, so instead what comes out is “I’ll do it later”  
  
The man sighs, but says nothing about it, seems reluctant and it angers Sunggyu that he can’t even scold him properly. What is _wrong_ with them?  
  
“I have a business trip this week” his father says, his eyes going back to the laptop, avoiding Sunggyu’s.  
  
“When?” doesn’t know why he even asks, it’s not that much of a difference anyway.  
  
“I leave tomorrow morning” _And couldn’t you fucking tell me sooner?_ He wants to ask, but, again, what difference would it make? “I’ll be back Sunday, around seven in the afternoon probably”  
  
He exhales loudly, anger dulling and indifference settling in “Ok, bye” he throws curtly, and he leaves without waiting for a response.  
  


\---

  
Luck and life itself might be playing around with him, because he was supposed to just walk aimlessly until something occurred to him, but there he was now, sitting on that big metal container in a narrow alley, side to side with none other than purple boy and his nasty cigs. How in hell? Who cares now? He’s killing time, cooling off, and in a good way, if he has to say. Until now, no strange looks, no confusing touches, not weird phrasing, just the two of them chatting away and sharing a bit of toxic smoke. Yes, that’s still a thing.  
  
Purple boy is not half bad, he’s actually a cool guy, funny in his own way, relaxed, confident, he knows his ways and that makes Sunggyu feel oddly confident too… As long as they’re like this. He feels it’s ok to just let things roll away and put his feet in dubious ground, like drinking, smoking and prodding into strange bonding ways, all feels like a mellow challenge he can take on. So he does, because it’s alright.  
  
And then the guy goes and drops his hand on Sunggyu’s leg. It would be fine, he’s not that jumpy, but it’s the arm that just falls, and the hand slides to the inner side of his thigh and that’s just a bit too much for his mind to wrap around. He bends his knee up towards his chest, just a movement, trying to shake that hand off. Doesn’t work, instead, the arm coils around his leg and the hand actually holds him, fingers slipping in the tight space behind his knee. He starts feeling the uneasiness taking hold of his limbs again, but not as badly as the time before. There’s no audience to watch his lame show of jittery doubts, just him trying to deal with this guy, with the challenge that this guy is for him.  
  
The hand starts kneading, and Sunggyu can’t help the soft slap “What are you doing?”  
  
“Mh?” lazy answer, an exhale of smoke, unbothered eyes blinking his way.  
  
“Seriously”  
  
“You hate it?”  
  
“Huh?” wasn’t expecting that question. Hate it? Not the way he’d say it, more like it made him nervous “Uh…”  
  
“Don’t like it?”  
  
It’s not that he doesn’t like it. It’s kind of nice, it’s a way of… bonding? Affection? Maybe that’s a bit too much, but it’s something like that. Just that’s it’s a bit rushed, going from a nod and a ‘hey dude’ to weird hugs and knee massaging or whatever it was purple boy was doing. He actually liked it, it made him feel noticed in a different way, something in being close with this guy when he’d normally wouldn’t… Wouldn’t dare, but he was making it easier for him.  
  
“Alright then” he hears, near. He knows the other’s close, and doubts about turning. Should he? He feels purple boy watching his profile, as if waiting for something “Something wrong?” his voice again, a touch of edge on it, a little squeeze of fingers under his knee. He’s not going to turn around, mixed sings and all that crap? Yeah “Hey…”  
  
“ _-It’s alright! Just drop by tonight, I’ll be home_ ” a voice comes loudly from the street, a voice he recognizes with surprising ease “ _Yeah, don’t worry!_ ” it sounds closer.  
  
His eyes fly to the cigarette in his hand, the lonely can of beer beside him, the hand on his leg. The voice is just behind the corner now, and Sunggyu turns around, not thinking of the face inches away from his, but of the voice of the man walking behind. He keeps his eyes on purple boy’s neck, avoiding eye contact, his fingers shake a bit and his heart goes erratic, but he can’t be seen like that, not by Woohyun.  
  
The man walks away, and he relaxes a little, but then he looks up and warmth floods his face with embarrassing speed. He sniffs and clears his throat, turning back to the front as if nothing happened. It suddenly irks him, the situation, one thing pushing him onto another. Having to hide from the man, why? What should he care to be seen? What if he drinks a bit and smokes a bit and… And enjoys the… the close company of this guy? There’s nothing wrong with that. Well, there might be some issues with the drinking and smoking, him being underage, but what if he likes to be close and touchy with his buddy? What’s… wrong with that? He can do it, he’s free to do it, it shouldn’t bother him if someone saw him, it _doesn’t_ bother him, he’s taking a challenge here, he wants to try-  
  
A shuddering breath leaves him, halting abruptly his train of thoughts. Doesn’t matter anyway. Woohyun didn’t see him, and that’s good. He doesn’t care what people think, mostly, except with _some_ people. Woohyun seems to think he’s decent company, he’s good to him, he’s nice and… Caring, somehow, strangely, confusingly caring. He doesn’t want to screw that up with a scene like this, a scene that suddenly feels stupid, pretentious, unnecessary. No, that’s just him comparing himself to a grown, mature man. Of course he’ll feel stupid. But it’s fine with him, he can accept that, because Woohyun seems to be a good guy. And back again to the point of not wanting to show him his most questionable side, it’s too fragile a contact to strain it…  
  
The hand on his legs presses tighter than ever, a shift brings more warmth to his side, a low chuckle rumbles beside him. It freaks him out a little, the whole thing, both sides. His fingers still shake and his heart is not calm yet, the flush keeps touching his face. Too much of a challenge, certainly too much, but he doesn’t want to back down.  
  
“So… what was that?”  
  
“There was-“ he stops and clears his throat again, his voice almost fails him “There was this guy I know, didn’t want to get in trouble if he saw me… you know”  
  
Another chuckle, and a nudge from shoulder to shoulder “Sure kitten”  
  
Shivers run down his back, that’s another step too wide, and he almost balks out. Almost.  
  


***

  
  
“Hey, careful” a hand pops out in front of him, holding his wrist with gentle firmness. He startles a bit, but the grip prevents him from any damage “Hold that from the other side, you’re cutting too close to your fingers”  
  
“Hmm…” he nods lightly and moves his hand away from the blade.  
  
“You sure you don’t want to go wait-?”  
  
“No, I _want_ to help” he replies, for what has to be the third time.  
  
“Well then, try to come back down to earth a bit, I don’t want to have to send you back home missing a finger, alright?” the man chides softly.  
  
He forces himself to focus on the task at hand and let go of his musings. Woohyun’s knives are pretty damn sharp and he would like to avoid missing parts of his hands. He insisted on helping the man in the kitchen, feeling awkward and uncomfortable just sitting there watching him work for him. Because that’s pretty much what was happening. He came after school, no Myungsoo as excuse, with the sole purpose of being treated to food. He feels a bit embarrassed, but somehow still willing to put himself in this awkward situation. Something felt kind of worth it.  
  
Again he spends the time orbiting around the man, asking, trying to help, trying to steal some bits, almost burning himself with the pot and the boiling water, then the oven. Woohyun finally shoos him to the couch, but the smile in his face takes any uneasiness out of Sunggyu’s system before he drops in front of the TV and picks up the control to resume a paused game.  
It takes no time at all, except for the long while spent looking sadly through the window of the oven. But then it goes to the fridge, and Sunggyu lets out a long, pitiful groan of complaint before he can help it. Woohyun laughs at him, and Sunggyu is too mellow at the moment to snap at anything. So he keeps playing, the other joins, and nearly two hours fly by. He’s not concerned that it’s getting late, doesn’t make any difference, and says so when Woohyun asks. He doesn’t say he’ll be alone anyway, and that he hates being alone at home, but the man doesn’t need to know that. There’s a weird expression on Woohyun’s face but he shrugs it off, even when he wonders if he was coming off as too uncaring, too cold. He just doesn’t want to share that much.  
  
The thing is actually quite good, and Sunggyu wipes the plate clean, nearly licking it, but behaving for the sake of appearances… Because he admits that, for some reason, he kind of cares about Woohyun’s opinion of him.  
  
They spend some more time, sitting at the table, empty mugs and clean plates. There’s no hurry to leave in Sunggyu’s feet, no need to escape to someplace of his own, no urge to leave the home of a man he barely knows and should (but really doesn’t) make him feel awkward and uncomfortable. He’s just fine as it is. And he doesn’t fight it. Must be the man’s age, he’s not that much older than him, or maybe the fact that he’s Myungsoo’s cousin, some extended bond of the sorts? Is it because he helped him with his hangover? No, that should probably add to the factors to make things awkward. What then?  
  
“Take the rest” Woohyun says when Sunggyu finally admits he should be going.  
  
“What?”  
  
“The rest of it, take it home”  
  
“It…? Oh! Oh, no, forget it, it’s almost the whole thing-”  
  
“Didn’t you like it?”  
  
“W-No! I mean, yeah!”  
  
Woohyun chuckles a little and goes to the kitchen. Sunggyu is now feeling a bit uncomfortable, he never liked receiving favors or gifts out of the blue, never really knew how to react and usually did it badly. But, then again, he has been getting help from this man before and… He’s not really sure if he reacted well enough.  
  
“It’s ok, really” he calls form the door “It’s too much, you should-“  
  
“Just take it, you did it after all, it’s yours”  
  
“I did not!” he blurts, his voice sounding almost offended. He scoffs at himself, really what’s with him? “I mean-“  
  
A big Tupperware is pressed into his arms, and Woohyun smiles at him as if nothing “You think I can’t make another? You take this home, and show your dad, what best that food waiting home to make him _feel_ at home?”  
  
And then things go sour again. It was too good to last, apparently. Sunggyu feels his face closing up, brows getting heavy and mouth tight. He takes the container firmly and gives a little nod, trying not to unleash the biting retorts that swarm his mouth. Or maybe he should… He should make it clear to this guy that he’s got nothing to say about his father or his home. He knows nothing of it and should say nothing of it. It’s none of his business, is it? No it’s- “It’s _not_ your business!” comes out suddenly, packed with mild anger in a tense voice. Screw it, already halfway in. He looks up and, scowl deep and lungs full, but then stalls again.  
  
It’s not surprise what he finds, it’s not shock, not anger, not offense. He’s actually not sure what he sees, it’s again that weird expression on Woohyun’s face, between stern and understanding, he guesses. Is he being pitied? Maybe, but if it is, he can’t find it in him to be angered by it.  
  
A hand pats his arm softly, and Woohyun sighs “Sorry buddy, I know” he says, and Sunggyu doesn’t have the time to master his face before his eyes go a little wide “Just take it home, alright?”  
  
He’s the one surprised now, but manages a curt nod in reply. He picks up his things and walks out, keeping quiet as they go to the front door of the building. He steps out, and thinks of just walking away, but he turns around before he can seriously consider it. Woohyun is smiling at him, not as stupidly, but with that same strange expression from before “Take care, ok?” he says.  
  
Sunggyu nods again, drops his eyes to the ground, and walks away.  
  
There’s this nagging feeling that bothers him for the rest of the day, _You freaking idiot, you didn’t thank him!,_ but then he just shrugs it off, because _Next time_.  
  


***

  
Way to start his Saturday, just peachy. Going out to escape the silence of his home only to bump into his friend. Good coincidence you’d think, well not so much this time. He wants to groan and kick, and maybe throw some things, because he’s seriously fed up. He tries picking up his pace, but of course the other just follows without a care.  
  
“I mean it!” Myungsoo insists.  
  
“I know, and I told you that you need to lay off!”  
  
“I can’t!”  
  
“Why the fuck not?!”  
  
“Stop-“ a deep intake of air, clenched teeth “Stop yelling at me Sunggyu”  
  
“You are yelling too”  
  
“Am not”  
  
“What the fuck ever, man. Back off”  
  
“You’re an asshole, you know that?”  
  
He takes all the control he can not to lash out at his friend “Yeah, seems like I am, you keep saying it” he manages to reply through his clenched jaw.  
  
“Oh, yeah?”  
  
“What the fuck do you want?”  
  
“You’re not!”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You are not an asshole! You’re just acting like one!”  
  
“Same fucking thing, is it?”  
  
“No, it’s not-“  
  
“Enough, alright?”  
  
“No, it’s not enough! What’s wrong with you?”  
  
“Why don’t you tell _me_? You seem to know, don’t you?”  
  
“Yeah, I _know_ , and you know that I do, you just don’t want to admit it”  
  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about-“  
  
“You do. You’re acting up, you know that. You’ve been being a little shit for a while now-“  
  
“Oh, yeah, thanks again, man”  
  
“Don’t give me that! You know I get it, alright? I get it! But you’re starting to go too far-”  
  
“And how the heck do you know what _too far_ is, huh?”  
  
“I kn-“  
  
“You don’t know! How can you even-?”  
  
“ _This_ is too far!” Myungsoo’s quick hand takes the cigarette from his fingers and throws it to the ground.  
  
His spine tenses, and his body turns to his friend, one step too close into his personal space. Myungsoo actually flinches back, his eyes widening slightly before he recovers his angry scowl. But it sends a shock of guilt that makes Sunggyu back up and hurry his pace even more.  
  
“What’s the matter with you? Why are you so freaking bothersome all of a sudden? Why are you breathing in my neck? Why can’t you just let me be for once?”  
  
“For once? I’m trying to take care of you-“  
  
“You don’t fucking have to!” he finally snaps and falls back to yelling “I can take care of my stupid self, alright? You’re not my fucking dad to be taking care of me! Back the fuck off!”  
  
 He stomps away in shaky anger, and for once Myungsoo doesn’t follow.  
  


\---

  
He’s angry. Still. Angry enough to not care about being a sour little fuck, about drinking a bit too quickly for his own tolerance. Angry enough to not care at all about sulking in a night club with a tall glass in his hand, nearly ignoring the two guys beside him. Crappy mood, crappy weather, crappy night. How fitting.  
  
But deep down, he didn’t want to come either, he just wanted to stay at home and sleep the stormy night away. He is angry but also regretful; he keeps messing things up with his friend… With pretty much everything anyway. Seems like he can’t find that silly middle ground Woohyun told him about. He tried, but… It seems easy enough while talking with the man. He’s just at ease, relaxed, and his head seems to work more reasonably, but then when he’s out and in a tricky situation, things go back to the black and white and he snaps like there’s no tomorrow. A little shit, Myungsoo called him? Sometimes he can’t argue that. A shitty brat, he’s being. But that’s all. Nothing wrong with acting up a little, he’s a teenager after all, isn’t this what he’s supposed to be doing? He’s not taking it too far, is he? What about these other guys? They don’t seem too bothered, and he doesn’t feel bad for going along with them… Well, most of the time, that is. He still feels a bit stupid for hiding like a little mouse when Woohyun walked past them in the alley, but he still also feels stupid every time he gets cranky or silly in the man’s presence. It’s like he just doesn’t want him to think less of him for being… Well, a shitty brat.  
  
He sighs in frustration, why is he even thinking about that when he’s out a Saturday night? Because he’d rather be playing videogames on the floor, smelling warm food from the kitchen and being shown how to make a stupid chocolate cheesecake on a rainy late night instead of getting his brain thumped with loud bass and his blood pumped with alcohol while being bored out of his mind leaning against a wet bar without even knowing if it’s still raining outside? Probably. But the first option wasn’t available to begin with, so what difference does it make?    
  
Just like the previous time, they went straight to the bar, knocking back a few drinks to _get in the mood_ , as they said, and then some more because why not? The music is as invasive as ever, the people dark and confusing, entertaining only so far, a bit intimidating in some cases. Especially when some suggestively dressed ladies eye them like dolls in auction. He should probably feel flattered, maybe even proud or more confident, but it wasn’t working that way. He feels self-conscious, out of place, uncomfortable. If any of those women were to approach him, what is he supposed to do? He knows their companions were more than ok with it, but he still has many reservations, at least for as long as he is aware of his actions.  
  
“Hey!” an elbow to his ribs “Looks like that babe over there has her eyes on you”  
  
“Nah” he shrugs, trying not to be obvious as he follows the other’s sight.  
  
Indeed, he is being ogled without an ounce of discretion. Even worse, the moment he sets his eyes on her, she starts walking over, and he panics.  
  
“Oh” the blonde guy beside him laughs “Your lucky night, dude!”  
  
“What? No-“  
  
“Come on! Gonna tell me you don’t like her? She’s hot!”  
  
“I-I know, but-“  
  
“Dude, grow a pair! It’s time you start biting a bit” the second one says, picking his glass from the bar and walking off as if nothing. The blonde follows swiftly.  
  
Sunggyu is really close to reach out and ask them not to leave him, but… Not exactly the best way of action. So he takes a deep breath and chugs down a few fat gulps of his drink. Burns a bit his throat and stomach, shots right to his head, but it’s distraction enough. He tries his best at keeping his face still, not grimacing at the burnt and taste of the shit he’s drinking, he has to keep his act after all. He’s absolutely not an underage sneaking in. Not at all. He wonders if his face doesn’t betray him a bit, but seems like not, if the looks the lady now perched beside him is giving him are any indication. Or maybe it’s actually noticeable and she doesn’t care? Wait, what if she knows he’s underage and is playing with him? What if she takes him to the bouncers? What if-?  
  
“Hey” a high pitched voice greets him “Left alone?”  
  
He blinks his thoughts away and looks at her. Pretty, alright. His eyes run downwards and quickly back up. Yeah, he should probably be very happy right now, but he still can’t fight off the anxiousness. He has to keep his act, though, so he tries a shrug “I guess”  
  
“Well, I’m alone too” she inches closer, and Sunggyu fights back a scoff, because yeah, he just saw her dismissing her four friends, but who is he to judge, right? “Want me to keep you some company?”  
  
And what is he supposed to answer to that? Probably a _sure_ , or _by any means_ , or _I’d be flattered_ … But he honestly doesn’t want to. He looks at her again, her eyes and big and keen on him, dark make up on her long, curvy lashes, soft looking cheeks and plush, glistening lips. Alright, she _is_ freaking pretty, and her dress is sexy but not as revealing as some others he’s seen. Her pale pink nails are softly pressing at his arm now, and the little smile turns into a cute pout at his lack of response. He’s saved of her true annoyance because he keeps looking at her, so she must think he’s just too busy admiring her to respond. It’s actually quite true, just that he doesn’t _want_ to answer anyway.  
  
“If you want to…” he finally says, not sure is the right thing to say, but not able to lie either.  
  
She giggles, though, and starts making little chat. He’s certainly glad, because talking, that he can do. There are several winks and hints in the fleeting minutes that crawl past, but he just tries to play it coy for as long as he can. It’s obvious now that she _knows_ he’s not as old as he should be, and it seems to be of her liking, so he plays the card of the shy guy. And she definitely likes that too, if her flirty cooing is any indication. Makes him feel like a child, really annoying, but he doesn’t know what else he can do. She wastes no time in passing her drink for him to _try it._ He thinks he should be a bit worried for a second, but… Why really? He’s getting free alcohol and playing his part of a bashful boy unsure of how to act and trying to stay in her attention. Which is half true.  
  
Problem is, he had been drinking before she walked up to him, and now he keeps drinking some seriously strong stuff. He’s pretty stupid already, his laugh as easy as breathing and his movements a bit on the unstable side.  
  
She’s instantly draped on his arm, her soft hand tapping his nose a few times before tilting his head to the side so he’s facing her. So far so good, he’s found some security in their short talk, because she doesn’t seem to be wanting to jump his bones just yet, and that’s good with him. As long as they keep just talking and drinking and playing with the silly flirting, he’s fine with it.  
  
But then she’s way too close, and her hand slide down to his chest and then some more, and his guts tense along with his back. That’s just too much.  
  
“Come on, come dance with me” she all but breathes against his mouth.  
  
And that’s a no. Uncomfortable enough to just stand by her, but to go dance? Meaning, hands-on approach? Oh no. Leaving the security of the bar behind him? And he can see the couple dancing that’s going on out there. Absolutely not doing it. But how can he turn her down now? That being, without downright dismissing her. He should have walked away sooner, like, walking away before she even made it to his side. How is he supposed to do it now?  
  
“I… Uh…” he looks around, borderline desperate, for a way out. But nothing comes to mind. Maybe he could claim to go to the bathroom and… disappear?  
  
“Why so shy, silly boy?” she giggles again “It’s ok, I’ll show you how”  
  
That sounds way worse, and he doesn’t find any other way to get out of her hands. What’s the worst that could happen? A slap? The drink in her hand all over his face? Well, here goes nothing-  
  
“Hey, doll” a new voice comes from his other side, a masculine voice.  
  
He panics again, thinking he’s so very screwed if that’s her boyfriend. But maybe it’s just another dude trying to win her? Seeing that this stupid brat is not making his move, that’d make sense, right? It could be his chance-  
  
“What-?” he gasps when a hand finds its way around _his_ waist, a body pressing to _his_ side.  
  
“I was looking for you” the voice says, and then he recognizes it, looks to the side, and yes there he is, lazy eyes set on his and a crooked smirk on his mouth.  
  
“Wh-…” he can’t even ask, just sighs and tries to turn his face away.  
  
“Excuse me?” the lady asks from the other side.  
  
Just perfect. But then, yeah, just perfect!  
  
He huffs and pries the hands off him.  
  
“Wait…” the woman says, big eyes confused, and then throwing a blaming look at the other guy still perched on the bar.  
  
“Come on, doll, don’t run away” purple boy says, his grin so obvious it’s almost funny.  
  
But Sunggyu plays his part, throws a doubtful look to the woman, then makes an apologetic face, and walks away.  
  
He’s giggling like an idiot as he walks into a more or less empty nook. He made his way to the other side of the place, finding a little space across the dancing floor where the lights are as low as they go and people is scarce. Or maybe not so scarce, if the few figures draped around each other are any hint. Wrong place to be, indeed, and he is about to run away when yet again a pair of arms lock around his waist.  
  
“There you are” the guy says, and Sunggyu is already feeling uncomfortable “No need to run away anymore”  
  
“Yeah, no… I…” he actually wants to. He wants to go home already, there’s no fun in feeling dizzy and stupid, and getting a headache and he knows he’ll keep drinking because he’s fucking bored and then he’ll get another hangover and he doesn’t want that “I just wanna go home” he mumbles without thinking.  
  
“What?” the other laughs “No way! There’s still a lot to do”  
  
“No ther’s not” he slurs a bit, and gets annoyed “Fucking sucks! I wanna… I’m hungry!” he is, actually, and he thinks if there’s any cheesecake left at home. He ate like a starving dog the day before, so he suspect there’s none left. Can’t quite remember-  
  
“What? Hungry? Really?”  
  
“Yeah, fuckin’ ungry! I wanna go play some shit an’ j’st eat… And sleep”  
  
“Oh, come on! That’s so boring”  
  
“No’s not” the slurring is getting bothersome and he clicks his tongue “This’ boring”  
  
“Is it?”  
  
“Yeah” it is, and he wonders what time it is. Would Myungsoo be up? But no, he’s angry at him, right. Well then… Woohyun?  
  
“We can fix that” he suddenly smells alcohol and cigarette, and realizes how close the other is.  
  
“What’r you doin’?” he pushes against the other’s chest.  
  
“Enteratainin’ you” the guy pushes back.  
  
“Not entertain’n”  
  
“It can be-“  
  
“’S not, back off”  
  
“Really?”  
  
He steps back, or tries to when the back of his shoes hit the wall. Perfect. He keeps as much of his cool as he can, trying not to look at the other guy, not to pay attention to the arms around him, or the constant push against him. He doesn’t want this, why would he? One thing is to fool around and get close as friends, but this? This is a tad bit too much. His pulse runs like mad and he wants nothing but to leave, but then the pushing gets harsher and his arms bend under the pressure. He feels nearly asphyxiated in the restricting hold, and damn his hands are shaking now, he feels his face burning and his heartbeat in his ears. Seriously, is this guy for real? Does he really want… Him? Like this? He’s got to be playing around, he’s just being an idiot, just joking with him… Right?  
  
“Not funny” he grunts “Let go”  
  
“Doesn’t have to be _funny_ ” the other says in his face, and then leans in.  
  
He sees him coming, but does nothing. He just doesn’t get it, doesn’t understand until he feels the warmth against his mouth, the breath against his face, the arms pressing tighter. And for a moment he blanks out. His brain goes haywire with feelings, his skin tingles all over and his heart bumps almost deafeningly in his head. His body relaxes in a strange way, melts to the knees for a second of sensorial confusion. His eyelids want to drop, his fingers want to curl, but then the wall gets harder against his back and it all comes crashing down on him like a ton of bricks about to bury him. He takes a sharp breath and feels his muscles tensing all over, then his arms get painfully charged and push blindly against the other, sending him stumbling back.  
  
He doesn’t even have the control to say anything, just stares wide eyed as the guy shifts and starts walking back annoyed “The fuck are you doing?”  
  
“The fuck are _you_ doing?!” he finally talks.  
  
“What? You totally wanted that”  
  
“No I- Where-? I don’t want that!”  
  
“Yeah right” the other scoffs, sure steps trying to corner him once more “Don’t lie”  
  
“Stay the fuck away!”  
  
“You _want_ me to do this”  
  
“I told you-!” he stumbles back at the other’s approaching, the wall again behind him makes him angrier “Stop it!”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because I’m freaking telling you to!”  
  
“I don’t believe you”  
  
“What?!”  
  
“Do something about it then”  
  
Sunggyu’s still very much buzzed, so it’s a blur when purple boy nearly lungs at him. All he knows is that he’s suddenly trapped again, the air knocked out of him, and all he manages to do is turn his head to the side and get a wet smooch on his cheek. He’d laugh, if he weren’t so on edge and pissed off. He struggles to break free, it’s obvious that the other guy is more in control of his body’s movements than him, alcohol tolerance and all that crap, but fuck him if he’s going to let himself be manhandled like this. He doubles his efforts, now a matter of pride more than anything, and manages to put them both in a lock. He risks a look, finds severely annoyed eyes drilling into his skull, flaring nostrils and a tensed jaw, and decides he needs to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. But his strength is failing and the guy is getting closer again. Hands on wrists start shaking, and he makes a last attempt to step out, only to have his right arm buckle and two different fists come crashing against his face. He’s blind for a second, even less than that, pain explodes somewhere in his face and he pulls and jerks in seething anger. He knows he shakes the guy off and maybe lands a halfhearted hit of his own. Doesn’t really care, just walks away as fast as he can.  
  
He’s not thinking clearly anymore, all hurt pride and face, embarrassment and confusion and anger at so many things and people he just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t realize he forgets his jacket when he walks out, barely registers the cold water that falls on him, doesn’t care for the people he pushes past. He just wants out. Away. Home.  
  


\---

  
  



	4. Part iv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last part! 
> 
> As always, there's music involved. Here's the (freaking amazing) song that accompanied the developing of this story, and from where the title was taken: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdsExfMFP2A 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it~

He walks almost aimlessly, knowing he’s going towards the train station, begging that there’ll be a train in the next hour or so. When he arrives, shivering and wet and still fuming, he checks the times of services and then wants to punch a hole in the plastic board. Or maybe cry a bit. No, none of that shit. Just a bad night, with a lot of confusing stuff and stupid people and stupid decisions… Just that.  
  
He goes to sit on a cold, empty bench, pulling his legs up and hugging them, his face hidden in the humid nook between his arms. And waits.  
  
His muscles hurt from the cold by the time he hears the bell. He was dozing off, his head hurting already, and his feet numb. But now that the train opens the doors and he shakily steps in, he doesn’t want to go home. He spent nearly an hour waiting alone, freezing his bones and trying to ignore the buzzing thoughts in his head, and he doesn’t want to keep doing that at home. The only difference would be a shower and a blanket probably. Well, sounds a bit better, but...  
  
He takes out his phone, and whines miserably when he sees it’s wet. Still working, but damn it was a bad night. He pulls out his wallet and finds it, predictably, also drenched. Insides too. _Well fuck me!_ He yells in his head, and then remembers his jacket, and the keys inside the zipper pocket, and starts hitting his head in frustration.  
  
“Why?” he groans to no one, head bumping back against the window “Why didn’t I stay home?”  
  
He’s still a bit dizzy, and the rickety trip makes him sleepy, but the cold and anger don’t let him sleep. That and the fact that it’s not a good idea to fall asleep with your phone and wallet on your hands, a Sunday _very_ early and still dark morning on a practically deserted train. No, not advisable.  
  
So he fights back his heavy eyelids, tries to get comfortable in the seat while still thinking he doesn’t want to go home and sit in the corridor like a homeless bum until it’s a decent hour to go knock on the landlord’s door and beg for the spare key. He considers trying his luck with Myungsoo. Then thinks against it. Considers it again… And finally tries a call.  
  
Myungsoo doesn’t pick up, of course, as he now looks at the time. Almost 4 a.m.? Not a chance.  
  
His station finally comes, and he steps out into the biting cold of the wee hours of the morning. He’s shivering violently, his steps short and clumsy and his mind debating between going home after all, or being a shameless little shit and try his luck with _someone_ else.  
  
He _is_ shameless, sitting in the porch of the building he visited only a handful of times, curled up in a trembling ball of conflicted teenage boy with no clue what to do now. But he doesn’t dare hitting the button on the intercom, he’s not that shameless. And he fears he won’t have an excuse to stay once he’s ignored. His phone is in his hand, three messages sent to his friend in stupid hopes that he’d forgive him for a moment and offer him a place to wait the night. But that was twenty minutes ago, the messages were read, and still no reply.  
  
He feels like crap now, and not only because of the cold and pulsing pain in his face. He screwed up in so many levels already he doesn’t know why his eyes burn wet. Maybe it’d be best if he skips school for a few days, who knows how mad he made purple boy? Maybe he’ll try to have a payback of some sort? Wasn’t really looking forward to it. Even worse thinking that Myungsoo would be there first row to see that, yeah, he might have taken it a bit too far after all.  
  
He sighs for the nth time “Stupid fuck” he mumbles to himself, not able to raise his voice without it breaking “You’re such a stupid fuck”  
  
A low rumble above signals that the rain is not nearly done with him yet, and to prove its point, it starts falling harder on the streets. He recoils a bit further under the roof of the porch, and curls more over himself. Maybe he could take a little nap here? If no one called the cops on him? Well, what would it matter anyway? He’d be warmer in a little cell. The thought makes him laugh at himself, how more pathetic can it get?  
  
Something hits his back, and he startles so bad his spine pops loudly.  
  
“Hey” he hears, deep voice lazed with sleep, and he wants to run away, crawl under the ground, whatever “What are you doing there?”  
  
He’s really close to start kicking a tantrum, but instead he looks over his shoulder to the man peeking through the big glass door, messy clothes, sleepy face, sleep-deep voice.  
  
“Hi” he croaks, then looks down “I… I’m sorry I was just trying not to get soaked wet”  
  
“Well, didn’t do a good job” Woohyun answers “You are already drenched”  
  
“Yeah… Well, I’d like to avoid getting worse?”  
  
“Come on in”  
  
He doubts, he shouldn’t, he wants to, but he really should feel very embarrassed and out of place “No… It’s-“  
  
“Come on in”  
  
“I don’t-“  
  
“I’m not letting you freeze outside in the middle of a storm. Come on in” the man insists in a stern voice that has Sunggyu internally thanking him for forcing him to follow.  
  
The apartment is blissfully warm, his body shakes a few times, as if to get rid of the cold once and for all. The door is closed behind him, and he stays rooted in place, unsure what to do with himself as Woohyun walks to the short corridor and into the bathroom. He shifts his feet a few times, trying not to move much so the wet clothes won’t touch him more than necessary, and then the man comes back with a big, fluffy towel that wraps around his shoulders.  
  
“Come, I’ll go get you some clothes” he mumbles.  
  
“You really don’t-“  
  
“Listen, Sunggyu” the man turns to him, his eyes a bit puffy with sleep and his hair still pointing out in weird directions in some parts “You just popped up sitting at the door of my home at nearly five in the morning, soaking wet, hurt, freezing cold and looking like you want to cry your eyes out, I’m not going back to sleep any time soon, so you might as well just go along with it, alright?”  
  
He keeps quiet for the time being. Walks after Woohyun to the bathroom and waits for the clothes, then is pushed into the shower and left alone. He makes quick work of it, barely warming up and washing the rain water of his hair, hastily getting rid of the smell of cigarette, alcohol and probably sweat that swarms the night clubs. Once he is dry and dressed in loose fitting clothes, he piles the humid things on a chair and walks back to the living room. He doesn’t say a word, not sure of the mood of the older man and certainly not wanting to make matters worse. He feels stupider than ever, even worse than the time with the hangover. Maybe it’s because he made Woohyun wake up at ungodly hours of the morning and do the babysitter for him just because he messed up one time too many….  
  
 _Wait, how did he even know I was down there?_  
  
“Here” a bright blue pack is presented under his nose, and when he takes more than three seconds to react, it’s pressed to the side of his face.  
  
He flinches at the sharp twinge of pain that it sparks, but the pack follows him in his retreat “Wait” he complains “that hurts”  
  
“Of course it hurts, silly, you have a bruise”  
  
“A what?” he’s surprised, then he remembers the little struggle and deflates a bit more “Oh, did it bruise?”  
  
“Yes, it did” the man responds with a flat tone, his hand holding the ice pack, patiently waiting for Sunggyu to take it “Would you tell me what happened if I asked you?”  
  
 _Not a chance_ , is the first thing that comes to mind. He doesn’t feel like sharing that bit of information, he still doesn’t understand what happened exactly, nor how he feels about it, so no. He should say something, though, anything, if only to give an answer to the man that’s, once again, taking care of him when he himself is not sure he deserves it. But he doesn’t know what to say, and as seconds tick past, Woohyun sighs and gives up, forcing his hand up to take the ice pack and walking back into the kitchen.  
  
Sunggyu is left on his own again, feeling a bit worse than before. And just as the gloom is taking place, a sudden surge of anger rivals it. He doesn’t want to feel so bad about it, he’s not obligated to answer, so why feeling guilty about it? Yeah, alright the man is helping him out, but he never asked for it, he actually tried to deny his help. He could just go home, sit on the damned corridor and doze off until someone recognized him and… And whatever. So why did he feel so indebt to this man? Because he kept getting in the way, he kept meddling in his business and forcing his way… Yeah, he was forcing his way into his own problems. No one asked him to do that, certainly not Sunggyu. So why did he kept popping out of nowhere- Well, not nowhere, he _was_ in his building, but that isn’t the matter. The guy should not be so insistent, he shouldn’t even care about him, he was just the stupid friend of his cousin, and maybe not even that anymore!  
  
“What are you doing standing there? Go sit, I’m making you some chicken soup-“  
  
“Why?” he snaps, crunching the ice pack in his fingers “Why are even-? You don’t have to do shit!” he throws the half melted thing to the ground and fixes his glare on the man “You shouldn’t give a rat’s ass about me! Why are you even fucking doing this?! You’re not my friend, you’re not my brother, you’re not my fucking father! You don’t have to give a flying fuck about me! So just fucking don’t!”  
  
His breath is shaken, his eyes warm and throat on the tight side, his hands shake a little bit, but he can’t hold the glare and drops his eyes to the floor. Woohyun is not backing up a single inch, not a flinch, not a shift in his features, his face is hard and nearly blank as he stares him back. Sunggyu has his pride at the edge of falling to the ground by now, and tries to salvage what’s left of it by fleeing the place before he gets kicked out.  
  
Before he can do that, though, he’s embarrassingly startled to a jolt when the other man steps closer. He’s not sure what he expects now, but definitely not the ice pack to be placed again beside his eye, more gently than the first time. He tries not to, but ends up glancing up at the other’s face, finding a severe expression that he’s not sure what could mean, but makes him feel small and childish.  
  
“It’s still raining” Woohyun says, his tone controlled “And pretty damn cold” his words are punctuated by a rumbling thunder from outside “Do you want me to kick you out?” Sunggyu tries to hide his sudden nerves “Wet clothes, no key, no money? Want me to kick you out?” no he doesn’t want to be kicked out, but he doesn’t want to back down either. So he keeps quiet, his eyes downcast, hoping it’d be enough answer for the man not to act on his words, because he’d rather end up out than- “Because I don’t want to either” the voice softens “I brought you in for a reason, and I’m not going to back down just because it occurred to you it’d be a nice idea to throw a fit out of the blue”   
  
“It’s not-“  
  
“You don’t need that crap here with me, alright?” the other interrupts, and he’s glad, because he’s not sure what he was going to say, only that his voice was about to break “We all have bad times, and sometimes don’t know how to handle them. Nothing wrong in accepting help, get it?”  
  
“Don’t need-…” he stops again, surprised by the difficulty of speaking all of a sudden, the wet feeling in his eyes.  
  
“Look, it’s ok” the man’s voice softens, and it’s worse, it’s freaking worse because now Sunggyu’s eyes start watering for real.  
  
He tries to turn away before it’s too late, but then he’s engulfed in an awkward embrace that startles him into stiffness, and takes him a moment to react and try to pry the arms off him. By the time he does, though, Woohyun seems to make up his mind and rolls the weird gesture into a proper hug. An honest to God, freaking hug. And Sunggyu stills again, letting himself be enveloped in a pair of strong, yet gentle arms that pull him too close for comfort… Or it should have been, maybe. It’s not, it’s warm and firm and strong… And so comforting that he finally loses control of his emotions and sniffs and starts sobbing shamelessly against the man’s shoulder, his hands lifting to take shaky hold of the sweatshirt, and then the night and the week and the month and some long while back come crashing against him as he hugs Woohyun for dear life.  
  
He feels pathetic, sad, angry, frustrated and so disoriented. But not about his state, not about the man’s presence, not about him being at five in the morning in a nearly stranger’s apartment and crying in his arms. It’s about all the things he’s been trying to pull off, all the crap he’s been trying to be, all the shit he’s been pushing, to achieve what? Nothing, fights with his friend, getting into habits he hates, making a possibly cool guy that could be a good fried now hate his guts because he freaked out after giving one too many mixed signals. And he feels worthless and stupid because the whole fucking deal did not move a single hair of his father head. Nothing.  
  
And something smells burnt.  
  
He sniffs one last time, noisy and messy, and lifts his head. Swallows the excess of saliva, clears his throat and then tries, his voice raspy and cracked “Somethin’s burnin’”  
  
Woohyun humms in question, a bit of confusion, then straightens sharply and gasps “Oh, fuck!” he seems to be about to bolt to the kitchen, but doubts and turns to Sunggyu, questioning face so blatant it’s almost funny.  
  
Sunggyu wipes his face with his hands the best way he can and lets go of the man’s sweatshirt “Go, I don’t want your home to catch fire”  
  
One last doubtful look and the other rushes to the kitchen. Sunggyu hears the curses and scrambling, and the burnt smell clings to the place. He laughs, choked and short, then soft and loose “Do you need help?”  
  
“No, don’t worry”  
  
He nods to no one, looks around, tries to wipe his face again. There’s the towel, so he uses it. Then he shifts in place, feeling awkward and itching. He approaches the kitchen, and tries a different way “Can I help?”  
  
Woohyun looks up, seemingly surprised, and smiles at him. And it’s a nice smile, soft and welcoming “Of course. Come, there’re vegetables to chop”  
  


\---

  
They’re sitting against the couch, a game paused, empty bowls on the floor near them. Sunggyu’s sipping at a mug of coffee, his feet bare, rubbing against each other. Woohyun in beside him, close enough to feel the body warmth, a mug of his own sitting by his side. They stopped playing, no reason in particular, and now keep silent. The man doesn’t seem to mind, made them both some coffee and brought some of those lemon cookies Sunggyu likes. But _he_ kind of minds the silence, he wants to talk to him, explain himself somehow. Why? He’s not sure, the man just makes him want to talk, to trust him, to lean on him.  
  
“Can you teach me make that chicken soup?” he asks out of the blue.  
  
But Woohyun answers as if it was natural “You made it a few hours ago”  
  
“No, but I want to… Be able to do it properly”  
  
The other turns his way, curiosity “Why?”  
  
“Dunno” he shrugs, hiding behind the mug. The silence stretches, and he feels Woohyun’s eyes on him. It doesn’t take too long for him to relent “I’d like… I want to make it… At home”  
  
“Really?” he doesn’t have to look, he knows the man is smiling again.  
  
“Why are you so nice?” he blurts out.  
  
And once more, Woohyun answers with ease “Why not?”  
  
“Because you barely know me. I’m nothing of you, just a friend of your cousin… But you take me into your home when I’m drunk or… Just roaming the streets in the middle of the night, you give me clothes, you bought a freaking toothbrush! And you… You keep cooking for me… _For_ me, as if…”  
  
“As if what?”  
  
“I don’t know, as if you… Cared…” a sigh “Forget it”  
  
“I do care for you”  
  
Three seconds go by, Sunggyu puts down his mug and rubs his eyes “You shouldn’t-“  
  
“ _Shouldn’t_?” the curt tone interrupts him, and then softens a bit “I don’t think that’s the word you looking for”  
  
“Then _why_?” he stresses.  
  
“I’m not entirely sure myself”  
  
He looks at him at that, blank face, flat tone “What?”  
  
“Don’t look at me like that” the other laughs lightly “I know I barely know you, and I thought I’d creep you out at first, but for some reason I kind of care” he shifts, leaning back “I guess it’s because you remind me of myself… When I was your age or so” Sunggyu is taken aback, his eyes widening a little before he composes himself. He keeps quiet, waiting for the rest, if there is any “I was something like a troublemaker when younger. Bad boy, bad attitude, bad manners… Well, no manners at all” he snickered “Bunch of guys who I called my friends but really weren’t. I started smoking and drinking, going out and making a mess of myself. Pushing aside people that actually cared for me, fighting with them, with my parents… you know, the usual shit” he waves his hand vaguely, keeps quiet a little bit, resumes the talking “I got myself into some shady stuff, hanging out with the guys that my not-so-friends hanged out with. Shady people, the real shady ones, if you know what I mean” he throws a meaningful look his way, and Sunggyu nods slowly “I didn’t really realize where I was going, why I was doing what I did, I just wanted to keep trying, keep pushing and fuck anyone who didn’t like it” Sunggyu nods again, even if he’s not being watched. He thinks he can relate a little, but has the feeling this is going somewhere else “I got into some nasty fights with my dad, threats and insults flying back and forth, some objects too” he sighs “But in the end, Sunggyu, the root of it, the truth of it is that I was just starving for attention”  
  
“What?” Sunggyu blinks in question, and then understands “Wait, you saying _I’m_ -?”  
  
“I’m saying that _I_ was starving for attention” the man rectifies in a firm tone, the softer “And I think you are going through the same” he looks towards Sunggyu, and seems to notice the timer about to go off in his face because he quickly adds “And it’s fine, it’s ok, it’s perfectly normal. It’s understandable, we need attention, we need interaction with the people we love, we need… We need to be taken care of, no matter our age or our ways. Somehow, someone, at some point, we need them to care for us. And when you’re young and growing up, that’s when you may need it the most. And if you don't get it... You try other ways”  
  
Sunggyu says nothing, he doesn’t argue, because he can understand what the man says, he can accept what the man implies. He knows there’s some truth in it “So you say that’s why I’m being a shitty brat?” he asks, no animosity in his voice.  
  
Woohyun, smiles dully “I don’t think you’re a shitty brat, just being difficult on purpose maybe. At least I know _I_ was. But with time, I started getting tired of it, you know? Of all the… crap around me. The crappy people, the crappy habits, the crappy places, the crappy relationships. It was wearing me out, I was a mess and I didn’t enjoy it so much anymore. I tried to put some distance… But it got hard. Some people would keep coming back and I didn’t know how to… Shut them out. I couldn’t… I couldn’t just step away, it’s like I had them all tangled around my ankles, all of it. I got a bit scared, and had some… health issues. Didn’t know who I could ask for help, my dad didn’t speak to me, my mom didn’t either. My former friends hated my guts. I thought I had it, that that’d be it, I was stuck with all the shit and I got it well deserved. But then one night, I guess I was too pissed drunk to think twice before doing it, I called my dad. And I spilled everything out, all of it, I ranted and cried my eyes out on the phone to him” a little sad smile crept on his face, and he turned to look at Sunggyu “Sad fellow, wasn’t I?” Sunggyu shakes his head vehemently, but can’t find his voice “Next morning, I was crawling out of one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had, when some fucker thought it’d be good to knock the door of the rat’s hole I was living in. Guess who it was?”  
  
It takes a little moment for Sunggyu to understand that, yes, it was an actual question. But he knows, he thinks he knows “Your… Your dad?”  
  
“The one and only. He stormed in, and man it was a show. He pretty much flipped me upside down and then back up again. I tried to stand my ground, never mind my previous phone call, but he was dead serious and so… He was so determined, so fucking determined that I was left speechless, shocked, so lost and I had no clue what to do with him, with me”  
  
“You fought again?”  
  
“What?” Woohyun laughs at that “Oh, no. He practically pulled me out of that hole, and kicked my ass into putting my shit back together. And he would take no crap from me. In all honesty, though, I was so immensely grateful for his breaking in, the way he just stomped all over my act and slapped the sense I was lacking to finally walk away from all that sad world I had put myself in…” he trails off, sight lost somewhere ahead, near the tv, but miles away.  
  
Sunggyu waits, until he can’t anymore “And?”  
  
“And?” Woohyun turns back to him, like he really doesn’t know what he’s talking about.  
  
“And then what? You got fixed? Just like that?”  
  
The man laughs again “Just like that, no, no quite, but kind of. He dragged me to live with them again. My mom was also glad I had come back, but I don’t think she had forgiven me for all the shit I threw at them. She kept his life, working nonstop as usual. But my dad… He started taking a lot of days off and the likes, he started… Taking care of me, more than usual”  
  
“He became a doting father, then?” he smiles, doesn’t even realize.  
  
“Yeah…” the man breathes out, long and slow.  
  
Sunggyu has this feeling then, that something’s not quite alright. He’s not sure whether to ask, but it comes out in the end “Something happened?”  
  
“Hm?” a slow blink “Life happened”  
  
“Wh-… Uh…” he frowns, not sure but not wanting to prod so much.  
  
“He got involved in a car crash, and then he was gone”  
  
Words leave him for a long while, his mind reeling on its own until he can speak again “I’m… Sorry to hear that”  
  
“Yeah, he was a good guy… And I miss him” a long sigh “Miss his food too” he laughs again, a bit less cheerful.  
  
“Good cooking?” Sunggyu asks, desperate to change the topic.  
  
The snort he gets confuses him a bit, until Woohyun says “He was a chef”  
  
“Oh, like you?”  
  
“More like, I’m a chef like him”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I became a chef because of him”  
  
“Y-you did?”  
  
“Sure thing. His cooking brought me back to life”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I mean… From the moment I was forced back home, I would eat his cooking practically all meals. Breakfast? He’d done it before I woke up. Lunch? On the table before I was fully hungry. Afternoon snack? What snack? Load shit of food. Dinner? There he got creative. I think I tried more new things during that time than the rest of my life”  
  
“Woah, really took care of you, huh?”  
  
Woohyun turns to him, serious face and voice heavy with meaning “Exactly, he did”  
  
He drops his eyes to the floor, not sure he understands what the look means, but guessing he really does “Because he cooked for you?”  
  
“It’s a really nice way to transmit to someone that you care for them, that you look out for them, that you want them to be ok”  
  
“You think?”  
  
“Of course, I’m sure of it” he smirks and adds a quick “As long as you don’t poison them”  
  
Sunggyu chuckles “Yeah well… I guess it makes some sense. Maybe that’s why I felt good around you”  
  
“You what?”  
  
Yeah, he shouldn’t have said that, probably. But, done “I mean, it’s just… It feels nice… here” he shrugs, trying to dismiss the matter, but the man keeps looking at him, questions and amusement clear in his face “I feel… Just fine, like it’s ok to be here and to just… Be _me_ ”  
  
“Yourself, you mean?”  
  
“You know what I mean”  
  
“Yeah, I do know” a hand drops on his knee, and he startles a bit, but relaxes afterward, it’s a nice touch, a comforting one, not intimidating, not off putting, just nice “That’s why I told you”  
  
“You told me?”  
  
“You don’t remember? I told you that there’s nothing as coming back home to a nice homemade meal to make you feel truly home”  
  
He blinks in mild confusion. He does remember that, but not the whole meaning of it “Yeah, I-“  
  
“Myungsoo told me about you, you know?” the topic jumped, apparently, and it left Sunggyu hanging a bit on the side “After that first time you came. Seems like I caught him in a talkative mood, or just worked up, and somehow he let it slip. Then told me not to tell anyone and that he shouldn’t have said it and-“  
  
“He told you he was worried” he remembers, but also doubts if that’s all.  
  
Woohyun hums, then pursues his mouth “Yeah…”  
  
“What else did he tell you?” he tried to sound nonchalant, but the voice came out a bit too tight.  
  
A calculating stare was all he got for a while, until the other explained, his own voice carrying a soft tenor that hit Sunggyu as understanding “That you have some trouble communicating with your father”  
  
Sunggyu knows he would be angry, irked that his friend would say something like that to a total stranger… Well, a stranger for him at least. But he isn’t really, and he doesn’t even try to deny it. It's the truth, and he doesn’t know what to do with it. What would this man think of him? What would he say? Would he say anything at all? “And?”  
  
“And” Woohyun continues, seemingly taking that as a _go_ sign “he told me to mind my own business” he throws a little grin to an annoyed Sunggyu before going on “But then one day I find you, looking strangely clumsy and tipsy… In plain broad light” and Sunggyu wants to crawl underground and hide, but the man continues before he can “and I thought that maybe there was something else going on. So I asked him again, and he said he was worried about you, seriously worried. He told me a few things and I kind of understood his worry… I felt that… I’m sorry if you don’t like hearing this, but I felt the need to… To help you out of it, to try at least, to make it easier for you. Because I saw a little of me in you, and I feared you’d go the same path… And you seemed like such a nice guy from that first time”  
  
“I did?” Sunggyu asks, actually surprised.  
  
“Of course! I thought you were a really nice kid, so it surprised me, and troubled me, to know that you were walking the very same way I had back then. I felt it too close to home, especially after that time in the alley-”  
  
“What? What alley?” he asks a bit agitated. I couldn’t be _that_ alley, right?  
  
“You know, the one with the big container two blocks from the park? There was this other boy with cool hair-“  
  
“Oh, shit” he sighs, just his worst moment, smoking, drinking, the whole package “Look, that’s… That wasn’t-“  
  
“Oh, don’t worry about _that_ ” Woohyun suddenly says “I understand, we all have different likes, some like girls some like boys some like both”  
  
“W-What?” that sends a flaring blush all over his face, and the words get stuck in his mouth “N-That-He’s-Uh”  
  
“It’s ok” the man turns, and gives him a little mischievous wink “I’m the last person to judge” and that made it. Sunggyu is left speechless and trying to grasp his thoughts. Did the guy mean what he thought he did? Or was it just- “That’s not what worried me at all, it was the rest, the huddling up in dark nooks, drinking and smoking the hours away, wasting days after days in being angry at everything… It was too familiar”  
  
Sunggyu finally comes back to his senses, trying to make his thoughts work for him “But I don’t… I mean I don’t want to go so far, I was just… Fooling around a bit”  
  
“That’s how I started, Sunggyu”  
  
“But-“  
  
“Look, it’s ok, in part it’s what people do at that age, try the boundaries, step close to the lines to test the reactions, trying themselves and the world. But it can get tricky, and there are some things that… Sometimes makes things worse”  
  
“You mean my case?”  
  
“I don’t know, I couldn’t know for sure. But I had the feeling it might be, so I wanted to… Be able to do something about it, to make that dark mood of yours go away, at least for a while, to make it better”  
  
“Hm” he only gives, studying the man for a while, watching as his face betrayed his doubts. But he didn’t want to play with his feelings, so he let the smile out, a true, incontrollable smile that made his cheeks hurt a bit “Well, thank you”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I really like you too, you know? You’re really… Nice. And I’m glad that… I’m” oh, the awkwardness, embarrassment, but he has to say it, needs to let Woohyun know that “You really did help me, a lot”  
  
“I did?”  
  
“Yeah, and I’m really glad that I keep meeting you. And that you keep letting me in, and that you don’t take my sourness to heart and… And you don’t push me away and keep trying to… Well, I don’t know” he shrugs, at a loss of words “I mean, you keep feeding me” he suddenly grins, feeling silly and amused “That’s good too, I really like your cooking”  
  
Woohyun laughs, sounds relieved in some depth “Well, of course! I’m a goddamned chef!”  
  
Sunggyu laughs too, and leans in closer without really realizing. It’s fine, though, it all feels fine and comforting with this man. Even in these weird situations, getting all emotional and shit, it felt natural with him. He feels relaxed, he feels like he fits perfectly fine by his side, dressed in some sort of pajamas, staring at a paused game…  
  
“Hey” he calls softly, getting a low hum in answer “How did you even know I was down there?”  
  
A second of silence and a little chuckle later, Woohyun asnwers “Myung called me”  
  
“What?” he looks up in mild surprise.  
  
“He asked me if I was awake, I was obviously not but he sounded really concerned so I said yes. He asked me if I could go check you apartment building because he was sure you were there, locked out and probably wet and cold and drunk and all the little sleepy rant of a worried Myungsoo. But then, surprise! You were practically on my doorstep” Sunggyu just keeps silent, letting a new wave of guilt wash over him, because at times like this he thinks he doesn’t deserve Myungsoo’s concern “I know you fought again, but I told you he’s just worried”  
  
“I know… I’m just a crappy friend”  
  
“No you’re not, or he wouldn’t care so much for you”  
  
“He does?”  
  
“He does”  
  
“And do you? Honestly?”  
  
There’s a heartbeat of silence in which Sunggyu feels a bit idiotic, but Woohyun’s voice saves the moment “Well, you can’t compare me with your best buddy, but yeah I do”  
  
Sunggyu battles the last of his reluctance and doubts before dropping his head on Woohyun’s shoulder “Then thanks… Really”  
  
“Don’t thank me, I’m really relieved you don’t hate my guts for trying to interfere”  
  
“Nah, you’re a nice intervention”  
  
A deep chuckle “Really?”  
  
He should stop talking, he’ll regret it later, he knows, but has to try to put it into words, to let this man know “Yeah, comforting… You know, I… I mean I’ve always wished I had a big brother” he ventures. _That must be it._ But, something inside says _no, not quite there._  
  
“Right in the conscience” the man mumbles.  
  
“What?” he glances up, unsure of what he heard.  
  
The other snorts and clicks his tongue “Nothing, I guess I can stop pestering Myungsoo so much if you become my little protégée?”  
  
“Your what?”  
  
“Never mind, you just say yes and we’ll be good”  
  
“I guess, for now”  
  
“For now?”  
  
Sunggyu looks up again, to the man’s face, the dark eyes watching him with amused curiosity, the smile a bit crooked into a half smirk “Yeah, for now…” and that’s all he says, because he needs to shut up before he says something he doesn’t even understand.  
  
“Alright” Woohyun concedes, an arm falling on Sunggyu’s shoulder the other hand taking the forgotten control from the floor “Care to resume the game?”  
  
“Yeah, gimme”  
  
“Reach for it, you have hands”  
  
“Can’t reach”  
  
There’s a huff of annoyance, but the smile is still there as Woohyun takes the other control for him “This is how it’s going to be?”  
  
“Sure thing” Woohyun laughs at him again, and he feels so stupidly comfortable and childish, but he doesn’t care because he’s where he wants to be “And remember to teach me that chicken soup”  
  
“Will do”  
  


***

  
  
He’s not sure if he’s doing things right, if he should even try. But he can’t help it, the night at Woohyun’s left him hoping more than usual, he’s more optimistic and willing and maybe that’s going to backfire on him, but he _has_ to try. He told the man that he would, and the encouraging smile he got in return is really hard to forget.  
  
He made the soup at the best of his ability (which isn’t much really), wishing it’d come out ok, edible at least. His father said he’d be back around seven in the afternoon, but he knows he should know better. He waits anyway.  
  
It’s nine o’clock when he decides to eat by himself, because he’s hungry and starting to fall back into the dull disappointment and resignation. But halfway through the meal he catches a very grossly cut piece of carrot, and the immediate memory of Woohyun’s perfect chopping of vegetables and the security and softness he put into his cooking pulls him back a little on the optimistic boat. If only a little more.  
  
Ten thirty he goes to the couch, tea in hand and a blanket around his shoulders. He’s giving him some more time. He might still greet him at least. He left his share on the table, he’ll just have to heat it and then he could sit with him… Doesn’t dare to bet too much on it.  
  
 _11:15 p.m. From: purpleboy_  
  
 _Hey, I have ur jacket, has some keys, I guess u need them? Ill give them to you Monday, k? And I just wanted to say im really sorry bout last night. Wasn’t thinkin straight. Didn’t mean to hit you, srsly, was an accident...kinda.  U landed a nice punch yourself if it makes it better. Hope we can talk this out, u’r a cool guy nd I really like you… so Monday? Pls answer me._  
  
He was a bit sleepy already, having slept only a few hours since coming back from Woohyun’s, but the text shakes some dizziness out of him. He feels relieved; a weight falls off his back, a bit of pressure relents. And no, it’s not only the damned keys, though it _is_ a relief (and he should make a note to give back the spare keys the landlord borrowed him). He doubts, doesn’t know what to say, what would mean if he said… Well, never mind. Maybe he shouldn’t reply? He’d be better off if he just let this go to waste and… And what? Woohyun said this was normal, right? People his age and whatnot. But why does it feel like he’s doing this behind his back? Like he’s betraying Woohyun’s trust or… Something like that.  
  
He shakes his head, strange thinking, he’s really sleepy. In the end, he likes the guy, cool fellow, they get along, he doesn’t want to ruin it.  
  
So he gives a small smile to no one, and replies:  
  
 _Thnx, sure. I’m sorry I freaked out so bad. We can talk._  
  
Then thinks for a bit and adds, just for the heck of it:  
  
 _Btw, you left a bruise too… And you’re a cool guy too…_  
  
 _And I might like you too_ , he thinks, but he doesn’t write that.  
  
He falls asleep at some point, the volume of the tv a low murmur. He manages to think he should probably clean the plates he used, or put the full bowl in the fridge… But he covered it, didn’t he? He’s too sleepy to remember.  
  


\---

  
When he wakes up… well, actually he’s woken up, by a lot of shifting and moving, a whispering voice and then hands on his face and shoulders and arms. He’s confused, groggy and a bit annoyed, he wants to sleep. But he recognizes the voice some seconds later, and forces his eyes open.  
  
“Whad-?” his throat is way too sleepy for his words to come out properly, so he clears it loudly and blinks heavily “Dad?” he croaks.  
  
“Yeah, Gyu” the arms finally find proper purchase on him and round his shoulders, pulling him partially up from the couch, where he seems to have fallen asleep.  
  
He’s a bit disoriented still when he finds himself wrapped in the second hug of the last 24 hours. And this time he’s more than just surprised. He so sleepy and confused that he just doesn’t react for a while. At all. Until it all comes stumbling over as his consciousness snaps alert, and his father is murmuring something and tightening his hold so much is starts cutting his influx of air. He couldn’t care less. He maneuvers his arms the best he can to hug back, and then clings to his father like a five year old after a nightmare. And just holds.  
  
Just how strange these hugs are, to freeze you in cold irresponsiveness and then push you into a mad cascade of feelings that choke the hell out of you until all you can do is drown in the other person. Because it’s just what you needed, what you’ve needing all along and the realization of this is so sudden that you have no time to think before you are clinging back as if your life depended on it. And it’s the second time already.  
  
So Sunggyu doesn’t protest, doesn’t run away, doesn’t try to start a fight, doesn’t get angry or annoyed, doesn’t even complain that it’s three in the morning and he made that stupid chicken soup Woohyun taught him in even stupider hopes that he could eat with his dad. It doesn’t matter. It does, actually, just not so much at the moment. Middle ground, take what’s good, Woohyun knows, Woohyun would be glad… He hopes.  
  
“What?” he asks against his father’s shoulder when he realizes he didn’t hear a single thing of what he’s been saying.  
  
“I said I’m sorry, Gyu. I know it’s the same old excuse, but… No, forget about the excuse, I’m just sorry”  
  
“For what?”  
  
“I’m late” a breath of silence, a shift in the hug as his dad sits beside him, not really letting go “I’m always late, I know. I’m just… You know I’m just-“  
  
“I know” he does. He might not like it, but he knows, and he gets it. For his own good, _for your future son. The best I can afford, the best I can give you_ “But I miss you”  
  
“I miss you too my boy”  
  
He leans his head on his father’s shoulder, making the best of every second he has. His droppy eyes fall on the kitchen, the light is on, the table visible, the bowl of soup. Then he understands where this came from, the table still waiting for his dad to come, first thing to see when turning on the lights. And he thinks again of Woohyun, and how damn right that man was, every single time, and how much he owes him for this simple moment of understanding.  
  
He smiles distended, and thinks he needs to thank Woohyun once again, and how many times now? It’s ridiculous how in so little time, knowing nothing of him, and after his own pointless trials and errors, the man cracked him open with the precision and gentleness he used with his knives.  
  
He needs to thank him. He needs to know him better. And maybe… Maybe he just needs him. _Next time_ , he thinks, and laughs softly, _and I’ll ask him to teach me how to cook._  
  
That would do for now, only that, and nothing else.


End file.
